Our Love
by Soul.Deep.Love
Summary: A story about Jake and Nessie/ gradual story/ change of feelings?/ But... he couldn't feel the same way.../ Could he?/Friendship/romance/sweetness/ falling in love?/ I'm trying my best to keep the characters true to the ones SM created!  /not dirty\
1. Surprise

**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters in this story**

**Rated: Teen+ Now that I've had more experience with fanfics.. I'm sure my story won't be getting into "mature"**

**Hey guys!**

**This is my first chapter of Our Love - a Jacob and Nessie story! This is my first fanfic, so please go easy on me! Constructive critisism would be great! Please let me know how you like it! I want to know if I should pursue writing, even as a hobby.**

**I'm sorry for any typos! ): I don't have spell check, and I'm usually writing around midnight, so I'm too lazy to go over everything!  
I wanted to capture the bond between Jake and Ness... It's what captured me. Every character SM has created all have such _soul deep _bonds with their significant other. I love that. Because it's so real. Im TRYING to capture that.  
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**This takes place a month or 2 after Breaking dawn (: Nessie is still small. Don't worry, I plan on making this long, and in that time, Nessie will grow. So will her relationship with Jake. wink wink.**

**BTW: I do not like making my stories dirty. The characters will share intimate moments. Yes, physically intimate moments (when she's fully grown...i would hope that would be obvious). But not _dirty._ Because that's just not _them._**

**Sorry for the ramblings! please enjoy!  
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**CHAPTER 1 - Surprise!**

**JPOV**

The green blur of the trees flying past me was comforting. The mellow silence of the run was soothing. It was rare for me to enjoy a silent run through the forest. Usually the mental gushing of thoughts wouldn't leave my head until I phased back to my human form. I wondered why none of the pack had phased today. Maybe they were eating. Food usually kept them in their human form, considering the inconvinience of eating with no fingers, aswell as the fact that they never got full.

I noticed I was more excited then usual. Giddy, almost. I guess I was always _happy_ when I was running to see Nessie. My excitment grew with each mile that flew beneath my paws. Of course I saw Ness every day, but the same excitment of putting the distance behind me, each step closer to her never ceised to fill me. No matter how many times I could be with her, It would never be enough. The slightest seperation caused me pain. The pain of seperation from Nessie was beyond words. The hollow aching of the emptiness in my whole person was too much to handle. But I knew if she ever needed space, or time away from me, I would leave. Because that's what she wouldve wanted. If that was what wouldve mad her happy. I would comply. I would pray that that day would never come. The pain that would engulf me then would be more than too much to handle. I sighed. No matter my trials or tribulations during the day, she would always occupy my mind to the fullest. 24/7.

As soon as I hit the opening infront of the house, I phased back and put my shorts on, before running up to the door. The doorbell was now never used. It was actually sort of funny as I thought of it now. The cullen's home was my second home. I opened the door and strode in.

"SURPRISE!" I jumped back. What the hell? Surprise? What? Was it some sort of special occasion today? I_ was _surpised to see my whole pack here too. Actually _everyone _was here. Edward and Bella, Carlisle and Esme, Jasper, on the foot of the stairs, Pixie, a few meters away from me, Blondie and Emmet on the sofas, by the TV. Maybe the surprise was for someone else, and when I walked in they thought I was the other person. Jeez the days were slipping by me, What was the date again? My face must have reflected the confusion I felt.

Edward smiled at me, beside Bella. "Happy Birthday, Jacob" He hinted to me, grinning at my dumbfounded expression, obviously hearing my confusion. It was my birthday? God, I'm such an idiot. I automatically smiled, so that no one would get hurt. Alice obviously went through alot to pull this off. The whole house was decorated with streemers and balloons - brown and blue. There was also a big banner that said HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

The table in the back was centerpeiced with a blue and brown 4 teir cake. Alice must have known the damage the pack could do to food. I chuckled. "Thanks guys", I smiled.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JAKE!" Ness squeeled as she pushed through my pack and her family who were hovering around me. I noticed she was wearig a pale yellow sundress, her hair tied back with a pale yellow bow. I guess I always noticed what she was wearing, how she looked, how she changed. She was _always _adorable - her mahoganny ringlets bouncing as they passed her waist. She never ceised to amaze me at how perfect she was. She finally got through and leaped into my arms. This movment was perfectly synchronized now - from months of experience.I held her close to me, and closed my eyes, as she wrapped her tiny arms around my neck. She nuzzled her face in the nook between my shoulder and my neck. She had claimed that spot when she was only a few weeks old. I held her tighter against my chest. _Perfect_. This word could not describe the feeling of overwhelming relief that flooded through me like this, every time i would hold her to me. She was happy, she was healthy, and she was _safe_. And she was with me. The joy and relief swirled in me. I felt myself smile from the unbearable sense of it all. I was _whole. _Her tiny warm body in my arms. So soft, so perfect. Nothing ever seemed warm to me now except _her._ She pulled her head back to smile at me. She touched her palm against my cheek. '

_'I love you Jake',_ Whenever she spoke my name in her thoughts, there was always a possesive edge to it. I was _hers. _I _belonged _to her. The happiness flooded through me again. I smiled widely "I love you too, Ness" I whispered, and spun her around in my arms, as she hugged me again. I closed my eyes, still smiling as I took time to inhale her scent. I sighed. contented. She smelled sweet, and floral. Like lilac and honey. If there was a definition of perfect, it would be her. It was kind of funny and more than true, as I thought of it now; I was holding my life in my arms.

I finally realized that we weren't the only people in the room when Emmet cleared his throat and chuckled. Ness giggled, gave me a quick peck on the cheek, and climbed her way up to my shoulders, where she would sit most of the time.

"Jake! Happy birthday, Bro!" Seth and the others greeted me with a fist pound when he saw my hands were free.

"Thanks guys"

"Happy Birthday, Jacob!" Alice sand as she danced her way over to me, and wrapped her pale arms around my torso. I cringed, but tried not to move away from the icey coldness. She was hugging me? This was unexpected, usually the vamp family liked to keep our proximity to a distance.I guess this was supposed to be touching. I wrapped my arms around her ice cold figure. Cringing mentally at the icey hardness, my nose wrinkled as the bleach scent burned my nose. "Thanks, Shortie. This place looks awesome" I smiled at her. Though I knew as well as anyone else in this family that Alice would use any occassion as an excuse to decorate and through a party. I knew I was right when Edward chuckled lightly beside Bella. "What?" Bella whispered to him. Whispering was usless because everyone in this house had super hearing. "I think Jacob knows our family a little too well" he whispered back. "That's because he's part of the family, Edward" She smiled at me. I smiled back at my best friend.

Alice pulled away and danced her way to the center of the room.

"Okaaaaayy!" Alice chimed." All you... Uhm, human wolf, things. Oh whoever can actually digest food, the food is on the dining room table. Wolves, please be gentle when eating. Esme is very fond of that table." Esme mouthed 'Thank you' to her from the top of the banister where she now was, sketching. Nessie giggled from ontop of my shoulders. The sound of her laugh egnighted a spark in me. It made me want to laugh with her, and forget everything else. It was the most beautiful sound in the world.

Surprisingly enough, I wasn't that hungry, so I let my pack do the eating. Leah was beggining to put up with the Cullens. She tried to see them through my perspective one day while we were hunting. Though she was not here today. Baby steps.

Nessie leaped agilely off my shoulders onto the floor. "Im gunna go eat Jake," She told me before running off to the dining room. Nessie had begun to warm up to human food. Mostly the good stuff, like steak, and bacon, and most other meats. From the smell of it, Alice had that prepared for today... maybe I would go get something later... "Hey, Ness?" I called after her

"Yeah, Jake?" She called back.

"Can you save me something before my pack demolishes everything?"

"Okay," She giggled as she peeped her head out of the doorway, and leaped onto Seth's shoulders to get a better view of the selection of food on the table. I chuckled. Everyone had dispersed amongst themselves. Esme was sketching on the head of the large staircase, From the sound of it, Bella was bickering with Alice upstairs in hushed tones as Alice tried to convince Balla on buying a certain designer sun dress. Jasper was, by the sound of it, in his office on the computer upstairs. The hum of the computer was pretty loud to me. Carlisle was probably in his study. Though he made no noise. Rosalie and Emmet were sitting on the sofa infront of the TV. Edward was lounging on the sofa accross from theirs, flipping through channels, not even looking for something to watch. Probably just listening to Bella's conversation with Alice. I knew this because everytime Alice would whine like a baby, he would frown, then smile when he heard Bella's excuses. Knowing Edward, he was waiting for Bella to wither give in or turn Alcie down so that he could be with his one true love. He smiled, and chuckled lightly. And I knew I was right. Considering I had nothing else to do, i decided to try my luck at pissing off the Barbie doll again.

"Hey, Blondie," I called her as I walked over to collapse on the other sofa. She ignored me. Obviously. "What? I don't get a 'Happy Birthday' from you?" I teased.

"Oh, my apologies, Dog." she snorted. I grinned shamelessly.

"You're forgiven," I said just to push it a bit more.

"Well you get my birthday wishes, man. Happy Birthday, Bro!" Emmet chortled, and met me in a fist pound. Emmet was actually pretty awesome. We wrestled once in a while. Apparently I was the only acceptable contendor since everyone else in this house 'cheated'.

Rosalie's eyes glinted in discust when she saw Emmet's friendly greeting. That reminded me...

"So, Blondie, How do you make a blond's eyes sparkle?" I continued when she snorted. "You shine a flashlight through her ears!"

Emmett chuckled in the corner. Rosalie hissed at him. "Sorry, babe." Emmett defended himself. "It _was _kind of funny though". Blondie snarled quietly. Emmet stood up and backed away slowly with his hands up in mock surrender. He slowly left, probably to keep his head on his shoulders. Rosalie stalked out the room, to work on her cars I was guessing. Edward chuckled loudly from the sofa again. I turned to him. _What, Edward? _"I guess you are part of the family, Jacob." He answered. " That's three in a row now." I grinned at him. _Get used to it, Edward. You can't keep me away. Couldn't do it then, and you can't do it now._ I smiled. "I guess that's true. Except I don't think anyone wants to chase you away...well except maybe for Rose. But other then that, you are family, Jacob."

Jeez. The bloodsucker was breaching the subject of me being part of his bloodsucking family. This was a bit too much at once. I tried to keep my face casually happy while my my mind turned over the thought of being part of their _family._ They were a family, there was no doubt of that. They were _people_. Human or not. And they could love. The loyalty and understanding, the selfsacrifice i had witnessed in this in this coven was more abundant than in any human family i had ever seen. It had been very unexpected to me. My discust for them before, would haze over any clear sence of observation. Then I saw Nessie. And everything changed. The question was, did i _want_ to be part of their family? I ran through this question again and again. Yes. I did. I couldn't imagine not seeing them everyday. I was Nessie's family, and I was Bella's family. Therefor I was a part of them were part of my life, and for once, I didn't regret that thought. Who wouldve known i could ever say that i was a part of a vampire family. "I guess I am," I admitted.

And to think, if bella hadnt fallen in love with Edward, and if all that crap hadnt happened, I wouldn't be here. My pack wouldnt be here. And I wouldve never imprinted. I would'v never known my Nessie. I saw Edward cringe slightly when i thought about "my" Nessie. _Jeez Edward, It's not like I'm saying she's mine and only mine. You know my thoughts, you know how it is. She _is_ yours and bellas. shes your daughter. But you have to understand my feelings for her._ Edwards mouth mashed into a hard line before he spoke.

"I understand that, Jacob. I do not have any problems with your particular claim on my daughter. But Bella however, has a particular affront with anyone besides her or myself who would place claim on her. You remember the first day of her transformation."

Yeah. I did remember. Bella was really O.A. But She would've had to understand by now.

"I think she might. I never know the direction of her thoughts, Jacob. Maybe with a bit more time and persuation, she might come to understand. She is more than extremely stuborn, as you know. She can't dee into minds like I do. Or understand the reasons behind thoughts. Many issues similar to this one. Issues that are close to her heart, if I may, seem insurmountable to her." He said, empethetically. Yes. I did know that. Bella was very stuborn. if anyone would understand that, it would be me and him.

"PRESENTS!" Alice anounced, disrupting our conversation. Oh _great_. Presents. I rolled my eyes.

"You guys really shouldn't have gotten me anything." I told them.

"We didn't" Paul laughed at me.

Great. I hated presents. It was always so akward. Someone gives u a present. You smile at them stupidly. Slowly open the present akwardly because everyone in the room is watching u in expectation. You take out the item. The item you really dont want. Say thankyou to the person. Hug them. Say I've always wanted this! I'll pass.

Edward chuckled lightly. This guy seemed to really find me funny.

"Bella" Alice directed, "You go first" She said as everyone crouded around the main room.

Bella stepped forward holding a tiny brown box with a big blue bow.

"This is from me and Edward." she told me. Edward smiled, when I shot him a questioning look. What could the possibly have to give me? There was absolutely nothing I would want. Oh here comes the akward part. Bella handed me the gift akwardly. She hated presents just as much as i did. I wrapped my fingers around it and gave it a shake. It sortta jingled. I was curious by this point. I slowly untied the bow and opened the box.

Keys.

Oh God, _please_ don't let it be a house. Knowing the cullens, they would do that.

Edward chuckled. "It's not, Jacob." he assured me, "Here, follow us" He said as he and Bella made their way out the door. I frowned, but followed them to the garage. The garage door was already open, Rosalie still working on one of her cars in the far end of the garage. It was a place to hold cars and it was probably bigger than my house. There was a few cars that were covered up. Probably Edward's or Carlisle's. Why were we here? Its not like he would get me a -

My jaw dropped. In that moment, the cover off the middle car flew off, and in it's place stood a gorgeous, breathtaking navy blue Aston Martin Vanquish. He had to be kidding.

"Nope," he smiled. "I remembered last month, when you were... troubed that day, and I lent you my car... you seemed to enjoy it. Bella and myself spoke about it, and it seemed suitable."

"I will never understand guys and cars" Bella muttered to herself.

_You got me a _Vanquish? I thought to him. I was still not able to speak.

Oh my _God. _He got me an _Aston Martin Vanquish._

Edward cleared his throat. "We" He corrected me. Right. _They_ got me a Vanquish.

My thoughts blurred and scattered as I tried to comprehend _anything._

Wait a second. Why would he get me a Vanquish? Why would he get me a _car?_ _What do you want from me?_ I asked him.

"Jacob," He said, offended, "You must understand that when gifts here are given, it is not so we recieve something in return."

But _why?_

"You have to understand that I _do _think of you as a brother, Jacob. I know. I never thought it would happen either, but you to me are truly one of my most reliable friends. I truly do think of you as a brother."

Wow. He thought of me as a brother. I didn't know weather this was a bad thing or a good thing. Edward. My brother? I never thought of it being like this. Being as close as brothers with a vampire. With _Edward._ The Cullen's had become family to me. We fought alongside one another for the ones we loved. But what was I supposed to say now?

Thankyou?

"You're welcome," He answered simply. "Go ahead, take it for a drive."

_Oh this is going to be fun._

._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._.

The ride was amazing. It was beautiful. Glorious. Perfect.

As soon as I got home,..._home?..._I guess there was no denying it. The Cullen home was my home now too.

As soon as I got back I went straight to the couch where Edward was sitting.

"Thanks, Edward. It's amazing."

"You're welcome," He smiled.

I suddenly remembered. "Where's Nessie?" Was she okay? Where was she?

"She's ... fine, Jacob. She's just with Alice. She's... In a bit of a predicament at the moment. She has a present for you too, you know."

Nessie had a present for me? The thought warmed my heart. A predicament? What?

"She's sitting in the back with Alice."

I nodded a thanks as I quickly darted out the back doors, to look for Alice and Nessie. I instantly saw them sitting on a bench by the river, their backs facing me. I jogged towards my life as fast as I could. As soon as I got to them, I smiled. "Ness," I breathed, smiling. She didn't look at me. A sudden pang of worry hit me like a tidal wave

"Alice, Wha-"

"She's fine, Jacob," She halfsmiled. "I'll leave you two to talk,"

Alice was gone before I could blink.

I sat beside Ness, and wrapped my arm around her immediately, pullling her onto my lap. She sniffled. Was she crying?

"Ness, look at me," I whispered gently, lifting her chin up so she could meet my eyes.

She w_as _crying. My world instantly crashed. My Nessie was crying. She was _hurting._

"Ness whats wrong, " I asked urgently, yet gently.

She placed her palm to my cheek. The flashes of thoughts finally organized as she settled on a scene she saw earlier today. Her Dad showing me my gift from him. Me and obviously how much I liked it. And her pain, because she thought that what she could never beat a c_ar._

"Mine's just a peice of junk," She whispered, sniffling again.

"Nessie, noo" I tried to comfort her. How could she think that? I'm sure anything she could give me would be a million times better than a car. She had given me her. I could never think of anything else in the world that could even come close to that. To spending time with her.

"Yes it is," She whispered again, almost unintelligably.

She was stubborn. "Can I see it then?" I almost smiled.

"You're not going to like it," she murmured, but then handed me something that she had kept beside her. A brown paper box with a blue bow on top. There was also a handmade card taped to the top. Written on the front of the card was Happy Birthday! In perfect handwriting.

"Can I open it?" I asked gently

She just sniffled in response. I smiled, and peeled the card from the tape.

Dear Jacob,

Happy 17th birthday! It's great that you don't get old though, isn't it? Daddy told me that Momma was always worrying about her age, but now she's changed so it's all good now.

I couldn't think of what to get you that would be just right. Aunt Alice told me I should make something. She said that it means alot more than something you can buy because there is nothing else in the world that is exactly the same. And there's no one like you that is is exactly the same. Because you are special. Especially to me.

I made the whole thing aaaalllllll by myself. I really hope that you like it.

I love you much, Jacob.

XOXOXOXO

Nessie 3

My smile could have made a blind man see light again. My heart was swelling inside my chest. This alone could have made me cry, though I would get hell from Emmet and Edward if they saw that I was.

"I love it, Ness!" I assured her," And I love you much too!" She sortta giggled, then sniffled. She whiped her eyes with the back of her hand. She bit her lip, and her cheaks flushed pink. It made me want to just pick her up and hug her all day.

"You can open it," She told me

I ripped a way the brown wrapper, and opened the box inside.

My heart stopped. It probably exploded. I wouldn't know.

Inside was a perfect portrait of Nessie in my arms, both of us laughing. The frame was an intricate woven was woven with twigs, and wooden vines. Tangled together, offering a woodsey, homey feeling.

Nessie touched my cheek again. It was her, picking each twig, and stick off of he forest floor with care. Examining each one making sure it was perfect for the gift.

I couldn;t take it anymore. I scooped her up in my arms and hugged her to me as tight as I could without breaking her.

"Nessie, I love it. I can't beleve you _made_ this. Its _perfect!._It means soo much to me, Ness. You have no idea. I can't even find words."

"So you like it?" She murmured into my shoulder.

"I can't even begin to tell you how much i _love _it. Soo much Nessie. Soo much. And I love _you_ soo much, You perfect little girl." She giggled when I hugged her tighter to me.

"Jake," She gasped "Can't breathe!" I pulled away.

"Sorry," I whispered, then grinned, as her brilliant, glowing smile lit up her face, and she wrapped her tiny arms around my Neck and hugged me as tight as she could.

"I love you more. Jacob." She mumbled.

"That's highly impossible, Ness" I scolded her playully.

"I don't think so," She murmured. She touched my cheek.

_I think we love eachother the same amount. And that's alot._

"I think you are absolutely right." I smiled and kissed her nose. She giggled. "So you made this all by yourself? Jeez, Ness. I'm still drawing stick figures."

"Daddy taught me the basics. Aunt Alice taught me the more difficult stuff. She loves drawing and painting her fashion designs. She said I could help her sometime." She smiled.

She had worked soo hard at it for me. I thought about the gorgeous car Edward and Bella had gotten me. And realized I all but forgot about it. This gift from Nessie was absolutely priceless.

"That's amazing, Ness. It's the best gift I've _ever_ gotten. I'm going to put it right beside my bed."

Her eyes lit up ,as her breathtaking smile lit up her face. "Really, Jake? You really mean that? The best presnt you _ever _got?"

No doubt about it. "_Absolutely,"_ I promised her. She giggled again and kissed my cheek.

"I love you, Jake." She smiled, and pressed her palm to my cheek again. _My Jake._ I smiled again. Or maybe I just never stopped. "And I love you, Ness.

._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._.

**NPOV**

"Soooo," Aunt Alice prompet me, her eyes lit up. "Did he like it?" She said, almost bouncing on my bed.

We were in my room, Aunt Alice and I always talked about everything. Sicne she taught me how to make the present she really wanted to know how it went.

I pressed my palm to her cheek. I showed her everything that happened. The love I felt for my Jacob couldn't help but seep into the thoughts. When I pulled my hand away, she smiled.

"Aw, I'm soo glad, Nessie! See? I told you he would love it!" She had told me that.

"Thankyou, Aunt Alice. I love you." I said and hugged her as tight as I could.

I had asked Momma and Daddy if I could go sleep over at Jake's house tonight. They had said yes. They knew just as well as I did that if anything happened, Jake could protect me. I was extremely excited ro see Jacob. To sleepover. It was always lots of fun when we did this. Staying up late, watching movies, building forts out of sheets. I loved it. Jacob was the only one I did things with. He was my best friend.

Auntie Alice always helped me pack for trips like these. She did let me wear Tshirts, as long as they were cute and not dirty and worn. I did like to dress up sometimes, like for Jacob's party. I loved that yellow sundress Aunt Alice had gotten me.

"Okay Ness." she said as she flitted around the room, throughing things neetly into my mini custom made designer suitcase. "Im just about finished. Just choose between your red monkey pj's or your blue penguin ones." She smiled. Alice was considerate to say the most. Instead of forcing me into uncomfortable designer pajamas, she let me choose my own. It was pretty cool today, so I chose my cotton monkey ones. I handed her the pajamas and she smiled at me. "Ohhhhkay! You're all ready. Jacob should be here in a few minutes to pick you up. I couldn't help the bubble of excitemnt that burst through my lips. I grabbed my suitcase and ran downstairs with the speed of light. And there was my Jacob. Standing infront of the door with his arms crossed and his grin spreading from ear to ear. I leaped into his arms like I had done since I could remember, and cuddled into the nook of his neck. He kissed my hair.

"Ready?" He asked.

"Yup" I grinned.

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**So there's my first chapter of my first fanfic.**

**Did I get their characters right? Their personalities? It's really important to me that they stay _them_. That i don't change them. Please, I would really enjoy some feedback!**

**SORRY FOR TYPOS!**

**Please let me know! Constructive critism and comments(: Anything you liked about it specifically?**

**Review Review Review! It's very important to me. Thankyou for taking the time to read!**

**Lots of lovee!**

**xoxo**

**Soul Deep Love **


	2. Sleep over!

**Disclaimer: c'mon guys - no one who's on fanfiction owns Jacob or Nessie or any of these wonderful characters. We wish we did but we don't;) and neither do I ! **

**HEY GUYSS! :D**

** So so so, It's been one day since I published my first chapter of my first fanfic! I got actual reviews!  
I swear I read each one like 30 million times! I'm soooooooooooooooooo happy! I can't believe it! Just thank you guys! So much! And I even got favourited as an author! And put on alert, and faved storied! (if that's a word:p)**

** I was actually jumping and screaming :D my dog was looking at me like I was crazy (: I know. I'm a nerd (: Forgive me (:  
So, this is chapter two! (IM SO HAPPY YOU GUYS LIKED MY FIRST CHAPTER) Im still sortta wired from the reviews (:  
I know ): It's short, Im sorry! I'll keep working on the length of my chapters! Please let me know what you think. It totally makes my day! (as you can see ^ ^) I will be pursuing writing on fanfiction. It's an awesome hobby.**

**Aaaannddd, I am also sorry for my lame chapter titles. I'm at a sortta chapter writers block for those. I promise I'll be making them more creative;) Thankyou for reading! I love u guys so much! Thanks! And now I will stop talking so you can read! (I apologize for any typos)**

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**CHAPTER 2 - Sleep Over!**

**NPOV**

I rode on Jacob's back, holding my suitcase as he ran on all fours to Billy's place. I loved riding Jacob. He was always so warm, so soft. And even when he was a wolf he smelled the same as he did in his human form. So no matter what form he was in, he felt like home.

He dropped me at the front door and ran behind a big tree to phase. I stood on the porch, and waited for him with my suitcase in front of me. As soon as Jake was in clear view, I darted into the house and left my suitcase in the living room. Within half a second, I was behind the open door. Waiting. Anticapating. It was my chance. I heard his footsteps reproaching. Three. Two. One; Jacob appeared from behind the door -

"BOO!" I yelled and pounced on his head. I turned to a sitting position as I was pearched on his head. To my disappointment, he just laughed, and didn't seem scared at all. Not even a little. I pouted, jutting my lower lip out. "Didn't I scare you at _all?_" He just laughed and pulled me from off his head into his arms. "Nope. Don't you know that im invincable, Nessie?"

I felt a smile grow on my face. Jacob's smile was and had always been contagious. Even if I was sobbing, if I was in pain, if I was depressed, no matter the issue, he could always make me smile.

It was true. Jacob was actually pretty indefeatable. Not that I would ever let him know that. And what? add to his already humongous ego? I don't think so. Someday, I would find his week spot.

"How did you know?" I smiled.

"Well you're heart beats pretty fast when you're excited, Ness. Plus I'm so attuned to that heart of yours, I could hear it from a million miles away." He grinned.

"Now now. Don't exagerate." I scolded him.

"But I _am _invincable. Aren't I?" He smiled, reminding me of a child that would ignore his mother's scolding, and work a charm instead.

"Nope." I smiled." I'm your weekness. If it's anyone that can defeat you, it's me. So don't get too cocky, Pup."

He chuckled. His chest vibrated with his laughter. "Pup?" he questioned my name for him.

"Yup." I confirmed. "Pup."

"Now since when was I I referred to as a dog by you, Nessie?"

"Well, Jacob, considering you explode in to a giant furry wolf, with a tale, a snout, pointy ears, and four legs with paws, im thinking you're a dog."

"What about wolf? It sounds tougher." He grinned.

"Hah. Not a chance, mister. Pup. But look at it this way, at least you're my pup. You know I've always wanted a dog, but I think it could never withstand a day with our family."

"What? So now I'm your replacement purse dog? That's cold, Ness." I almost felt bad, but then he grinned, and I knew he was joking. Then I burst into laughter at the thought of my Jacob wolf trying to fit into a purse. He looked at me questioningly. I simply placed my palm to his cheek, and showed him. He just glared at me. This caused the bubbles of giggles escaping my lips to make me shake with laughter.

"That's not funny," He muttered. I just let it go. I was laughing too hard to reply anyway. I leaped out of his arms and ran to the hallway closet, where Billy kept sleeping bags and blankets... pillows and stuff. I grabbed the regular sized sleeping bag I used, a few blankets,n and pillows. There was never a sleepingbag sold that was big enough to fit Jake in. I tossed the stuff behind me, knowing he would catch it, and set it up in the living room. Where we always would sleep. I then ran upstairs and grabbed the blanket Jake would use on a regular basis. It was lying on his bed. I would use it.

I ran downstairs with the veil of sheets flowing behind me. I then snapped the sheet as it slowly floated to the ground, ontop of the other sheets that would be used as comforters. I immediately tucked myself in, and snuggled my face into the sheets, inhaling Jake's scent.

My excitment grew. This was going to be so much fun!

JPOV

I caught each sheet Ness threw at me. I layed them down on the livingroom floor. I was never surprised when Ness would use my bedsheets for herself. She did it all the time. She always distracted me with... well anything she did, said, or showed me really, before I got the chance to ask her why. So while she was snuggling down into my sheets, I figured I'd ask why she did.

"Ness?" I asked gently while she smiled and burried her face into my sheets. The sight made me chuckle.

"MmHmm?" She mummbled into my sheets. I sat down beside her, as I leaned against the couch behind me.

"Why do you always do that? Everytime you sleep over?"

"Do what?" wasn't it obvious?

"Use my sheets, then inhale the, like you've drowned and finally found air." I laughed at her when she finally lifted her face from the blankets to look at me. When our eyes met, she blushed. "C'mon Ness. It can't be _that _embarassing." I urged her.

She shook her head, still blushing "Uh uh."

I had to bite my tounge to stop myself from chuckling. "I promise I won't laugh" I said, knowing ways to make her talk.

"Only if you promise not to tell anyone." She eyed me.

"Ofcourse, Ness! Now why would I tell anyone a secret _my_ Nessie told me? You must know you can trust me by now."

"I do! I do, Jacob! Just making sure."

"So? Why do you do it then?" I smiled, trying to encourage her.

"I uhm..." She looked down, and inhaled my sheets again. _don't laugh, Jacob. DO NOT laugh. You don't want to embarass her..._

"I... The... Well, I like using your sheets...because... they uhm.. Well, they smell like you, Jacob. And you smell like home." Her cheeks flushed a bright a scarlet.

All these emotions flooded into me at once. For once, I was at a loss for words. I know it was a simple thing. But the underlay of the words, the furvor, caused me to grin like an idiot. I was her home. I felt like home to her. She felt safe with me. How was I allowed to be so happy? I didn't deserve it. Every moment of my perfect happiness somehow felt borrowed, like some freek would come and take it away from me, because it didn't belong to me. Because I shouldn't deserve this. But being the greedy person I am, I would take the happiness and cherish every minute of it.

"Really?" I asked, bewildered.

"No, Jacob. I lied." sarcasm leaking from her words. She rolled her eyes. She looked so much like Edward when she did that.

"Come here," I told her softly, my arms outstretched towards her. She was in my arms within a second, as she burried her face in my neck. I held her closer, tighter to me. My world seemed to havedisappeard. All that I felt, all that I saw all that I heard was the lttle girl in my arms.

NPOV

Me and Jake spent most of the time eating popcorn, and watching the food network from the comfort of our peronally made pile of blankets.

"That looks _soo good" _Jake whispered beside me, his eyes intent on the screen. Staring at the plated stake with potatoes that exited the oven.

"Yes. I understand. You've been saying that every 10 seconds." I muttered.

He chuckled. I had to smile. "Yeah, Ness but it looks soo _good._Pardon me for commenting on how tastey food looks. Especially when I'm hungry." He pouted and glared at the TV. I laughed.

"Yeah, sorry. I guess I was just irritated. Because I can just _almost _hear the TV over the grumbling of your stomach."

He laughed and pulled me onto his lap. I leaned back against his stomach. He was just so warm.

I waited for his responce to my comment but it didn't come. And then his huge hands were on my sided, tickling me to death.

"Ja - JaaCOB! S - STOP. JaCOB! JACOB!"I gasped for air as the laughter wouldn't stop. The horrible thing was that he knew all my tickle spots. I was on the ground now. Squirming, gasping for air, laughing like a moron.

I finally squrimed my way out of his reach and darted first thing for the spray nozzle attatched to the sink in the kitchen. Oh, he was gunna get it.

I was standing on the counter, holding the spray nozzle, pointing it at him like a gun.

"Step any closer, and you're gunna get soaked." I warned, narrowing my eyes.

He inched closer slowly, his hands raised in mock surrender. "Now, now, Ness. We don't want to do anything drastic." He told me, his voice soo soft, so perswading. It was hard not to just drop the spray nozzle right there. But I knew Jake too well. I could see the mischief glinting in his eyes. He knew what he was doing. As soon as i dropped the spray nozzle i would meet my doom. Simple as that.

"Right. And I'm just gunna drop my only line of defence so you can tickle me until I throw up." I shot back.

"Naw, Ness. Just until you pee your pants." He said, grinning as he inched closer.

My eyes narrowed more. That did it.

I held down the trigger on the nozzle, water came shooting out and it got him right in the face. It dripped down his grey shirt, as I refused to let my hold go of the nozzle. He just stood ther, not bothering to move out of the way. Once he was dripping, I figured he had had enough. He was drenched. I r dreleased the nozzle button, but kept it at aim just in case.

He opened his eyes into a glare. His hair was glinting with water droplets, matted against his forehead.

"You. Are. _So._ Going to get it."

Oh man.

A squeel escaped my lips as i flew past him, running as fast as I could into the living room behind him, onto our sleepingbags.

He was already there, obviously. I tried to dodge him again, but he had already trapped me in his arms. I struggled and squirmed, but he was stronger than me.

"Now," He breathed. "Say you're sorry."

"No." I shook my head. I didnt have to see to know he was grinning.

"Say you're sorry." He repeated.

"Jee, I would, but I would be lying."

He positioned his hands on my sides, ready to start the tickles.

"Are you _sure?"_

I very slowly nodded. frozen in fear.

A spasm of tickles flew through my body as laughs and squeels continuesly burst through my lips.

"JA -COB!" I gasped.

"Say you're sorry!" He repeated, louder this time.

"B -B UT I-M nOt!" I tried to persist through the spasms of tickles. Words dont come out right when you're being tickled to death.

I didn't know it possible but the tickles actually kicked up a knotch.

"O - O K - K AAYHAAYY! I, HIME S OO RR SOORRRYYY!" I gasped.

"That's more like it." and the tickles stopped.

I was still gasping for air. "Jeez, Jake."

"Ness," He sighed. " You are very stubborn. I hope you know that. So id you're not going to just listen to warnings, I'm going to have to show you," he smirked.

"You're really annoying." I pouted

"Yeah, but you love me," he said as if stating the obvious.

"Yeah, I know. Life is hard." I couldn't help but smile back as his face lit up. A yawn escaped my lips.

"Well it looks like someones ready for bed." He said as he scooped me up in his arms and placed me on my side of our blanket pile. I tucked under his blankets as he did on his side, but i instantly felt cold without his warmth. I knew it would just add to his ego, but I scooted myself towards him. He instantly pulled me under his arm. I smiled into his side. I felt sleep take me as Jacob's loud snores and steady heartbeat lulled me into unconsciousness.

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JPOV

I woke to the sound of Nessie's soft breathing, and steady heartbeat. I wouldnt mind waking up to that sound everyday. Hearing her heartbeat meant mine could still beat. She was snuggled into my side, my arm wrapped around her. I sighed. contented.

I shimmied out from the sheets, and propped a pillow under her head, so she would be comfortable. I tiptoed upstairs to change into sweats and a new tshirt. I decided to go check on Ness. I tiptoed as stealthily as I could to the couch where I collapsed to watch her sleep. She was so adorable while she slept. Her face was so peacful. I was greatful that she could sleep, untouched by problems reality had to offer.

I wondered what it would be like when she grew up, when she would have to face the problems of life. Different choices she would have to make. Would i be there to help her make those choices? The thought of seeing myself with there, through her life comforted me. But that fate rested in her hands. I was so lost in thought that i barly noticed when she began to stir. She stretched her arms up, yawned, as her mouth formed a perfect "O". She rubbed her eyes with her fists, then blinked away the sleepy haze of waking up. she looked beside her, and her eyes snapped wide as she took in the empty space to her side, then pouted. I smiled internally at the thought that she could have been missing my presence beside her. She searched around the room franticlly for a second before she layed eyes on me. Once she did this, she immediately relaxed into her pillow.

"Good morning, Sleepy head." I chuckled as she stuck her tiny tounge out at me. "Wanna hunt for breakfast?"

"Yup," she yawned again. "let me go change."

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NPOV

"I bet I can catch the biggest dear!" I challenged as I raced besdie my wolf towards the mountainess range.

Jacob barked in acceptance to my challenge as he raced faster ahead of me.

I caught the scent of a few dear to the north. I immediately let my instincts take over, and let the scent draw me forward. I heart the bubble of a stream somewhere in the distance, and the quiet lapping of tounges as the oblivious buck had come to quench his thirst. I caught the heard in sight, as I aproached from a tree branch fifty feet above the ground. I could feel the warmth of the animal faintly touch my skin. I could see its pulse, as the blood pumped fluidly through its neck. My throat was burning now. I pounced.

The flow of warmth down my throat soothed the burning. I never got as thirsty as the rest of my family, so the burning disappeared. I was grateful that i didnt have to deal with the constant ache like my family did. As soon as i drained the buck, I assessed its size and was happy with what I saw. I doubted Jake could beat this.

A few moments later, Jake lopped forward dragging along a doe less than half his size.

"Hah! Mine's bigger!" I pointed at my catch. Usually Jake would argue me on that, but the difference was obvious.

Jake barked and wagged his tail. He bared his teeth, and only I would know that he was grinning at me. He would have looked more than frightening to anyone else. Except that his tounge was lolling out. I laughed. Jake could act like a puppy when he wanted to. I leaped onto the back of his huge neck, and sat on his head, scratching behind his ear.

"Does the wittle puppy want a buiscut?" I teased him in a baby voice. His whole body rumbled beneath me as he let out a low growl, that only I would know was playful. Anyone else wouldve passes out. I knew Jake would never try to hurt me. I laughed at him, his tail never stopped wagging. I touched my palm to his head. _Ready to go? _I thought.

He quickly took off through the trees, as I sunk lower into his warm fur.

We hit the clearing infront of the big house, and I slid of Jake's back. He trotted overbehind some bushes to phase and put his clothes on, While I ran inside the house. "Hi Sweetie," Daddy said from the piano bench, where he was playing, his arm draped around Momma beside him. "How was your sleep over?"

"It was great, Daddy!" I flipped through last nights events, from the tickle fights, to soaking Jake with the nozzle attatched to the kitchen sink. Dad laughed quite loudly. Momma gave him a questioning look.

"I assume you had a good time, then?" She smiled, as I skipped over to hug her. I showed her what a great time I had with Jake. I watched her face as it hazed over with my memories. I could never get over how gorgeous momma was. The perfect pale planes of her face made her look as if she had been carved by an angel.I loved her chocolate coloured hair, and her deep brown eyes. I was happy to find that I had similarities with my mom. Her chocolate eyes, the curls in my hair. She was by far the most gorgeous woman on the planet.

"I agree," Daddy flashed momma's favourits crooked smile and leaned in to kiss her. That was my cue to leave. I half expected Dad to chuckle at my thought, but then remembered he was probably too wrapped up in mom to remember. I should have thought it gross, like normal children would. Though I was far from normal. But watching my parents share a simple kiss here and there didn't really bother me. I admired them for their unbreakable bond. They shared a love that was beyond words. Though I was young, I secretly hoped to find a love like that someday.

"Aw, gross, Bella. Get a room." Jacob said as he entered the house, immediately loping over to colapse on the couch, sheilding his eyes from mom and dad. I laughed at him.

"Don't be so immature, Jacob" I scolded him, as Aunt Alice danced into the room.

"Nessie!" She said in her "convincing" voice "You _must _come shopping with me! Please! I haven't bought you anything in ages!"

"You hauled her off to the place of no return with you last weekend, Alice." Jacob inturuppted me.

"And returned with 20 bags...all for her!" Mom added, grimacing. Momma absolutely despised shopping. It didn't bother me, though. I enjoyed shopping with Aunt Alice. She was always so excited when she got to bring someone with her. I loved to see her so happy.

"Well she has a walk-in closet now! She needs to fill it with something!" My aunt argued.

"Beleive me, Alice. It's full." Dad countered.

"Well she grows every day, Edward! She needs clothes that will accomodate that." She said, crossing her arms beside me. It was true. My body was constantly growing.

Daddy sighed. There was no arguing Aunt Alice when she wanted something.

I really did want to go, but I hated being away from my Jacob for that long. Then I thought of something. An instant smile spread across my face, when Daddy laughed.

I turned to Auntie Alice. "I'll go shopping with you, Aunt Alice, but only if Jake comes." She pouted.

"Does he have to Ness?" She whined.

I nodded, bobbing my head.

"Uh, Ness. ... I don't ... really think I should go... You know, shopping and all." Jacob said akwardly.

"Nope. You're coming Jake." He sighed. He would do anything to make me happy.

"Well lets go then!" Alice chirped, happy to be on her way to the mall.

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** So, that was chapter 2! Whad'ya guys think? (: **

**How'd you like it? constructive criticism? Favourite parts? :p right now my FF spell check is underlining "favourite". I'm from Canada people, we spell things differently XP **

** Please review! It honestly makes me the happiest person ever! If this chapter made you feel anything, hit the review button! It'll only take two seconds to make a new author smile :D **

**I love you guys! ur the best!**

**xoxo**

**Soul Deep Love**


	3. Our Beach

**Disclaimer: This thing remains the same through the whole story, so if you read these, you really don't have to:p I do not own these characters. I'm sure you would know that.**

**Heyyyy!**

** First off, Im SOO SORRY - I APOLOGIZE I know it took so long to update, and its the shortest chapter. Makes, no sense, right? Well I've been insanely busy, and I am just TOO eager to write the chapter of when Ness is fully grown,... I actually have been writing a little more than a bit for very _important _parts for when she's fully grown. so beware for chapter 4!**

**I really hope you like it. **

**I apologize for typos (:**

**Please let me know what you think of this chapter. It serisously encourages me. I notice that when I read my reviews, nothing can piss me off (: I love you guys.**

**BTW: Please never think that I ahve forgotten about my story, even if I take a lifetime to update. I PROMISE that I will always be working on my chapters.  


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**CHAPTER 3 - Our Beach**

**NPOV**

The car ride to the Seattle mall was pretty hilarious. It was filled with frustrated mumbles from Jake saying, " I hate shopping," and "I can't beleive you're making me do this, Ness" and "The pixie's not gunna get any of her designer crap on me."

The shopping trip ended when we arrived. Jacob had finally convinced Aunt Alice to take me swimming instead. She reluctantly set me free, as long as we allowed her to buy what she wanted for us. She had squeeled when I had offered the only thing I knew would make her able to let us leave. Jake had shot me a horrified expression at my suggested compromise, but said nothing. So a few minutes after we had arrived, me and Jake had snuck, unnoticed, into some near by brush, and bristle of greenery that eventually lead to a forest. Jake had easily found his way back home. It would have been pretty easy for me, even if I weren't with Jacob.

"So, Ness, swimming?" Jake asked brightly as we walked around the Cullen home. The sun was beaming down on this little town, playing across the thick foliadge of our vibrant green trees, casting playful designs of light, that danced across the forest floor. The air was warm, welcoming. I let my eyes fall closed. I listened to the quiet bubble of a stream near by, that harmonized perfectly with the bluebirds singing, as if meant to complement the weather on it's cooportivness for today. I felt so at one with the world on days like this. I felt all every thought slip away as I inhaled another breath of thick greenery, and the mellowing scent of the fresh water trickling in the stream, and of course, my Jacob's woodsey, homey smell. I let a smile drift onto my face.

The beach would be absolutely _gorgeous_ on a day like today. I could already hear the soft _woosh_ of the salty waves kissing the sandy ocean shore, in the distance. I bobbed my head excitedly at him, as I sped into my house, and up to my new room in the Cullen home. Aunt Alice said I was no longer a baby, so she took that opportunity to completely refurnish my room. It was painted a mellow pale, daffodile colour, and furnished with creamy couloured furniture. My sheets were baby blue, and my back wall was just like Daddy's - completely glass. I loved that part of my room. Even more than I loved my walk in closet, that was the size of 2 of uncle Emmet's hummers put together. I sighed. It was perfectly furnished too. I knew that when I would be fully grown, Aunt Alice would probably knock out the wall of Uncle Emmet's and Aunt Rose's "bedroom" (they slept in their cottage that Grandma built for them, so the bedroom was just a prop in our human charade.) and make it into my closet.

I chose one of my million bathing suits from my array of swimwear that slid out from the wall. I quickly pulled it on, and put my clothes on, ontop. I grabbed a towel, and ran vampire speed down the stairs.

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I was right. The beach wasabsolutely _gorgeous._ The sun cast its briliant rays across the fine golden sand. The colourful grains sparkled as they basked in the sun. The crystal waves wooshed the sound I loved as they kissed the golden shore. I looked onto the horizon, as I let the sun warm me, and allowed my bare toes to dig into the heated sand. The sun glistened and danced across the water in the horizon, offering the illusion of glistening glass. The sky was clear blue, and bright, matching perfectly with the atmosphere. I closed my eyes, and felt my body warm to the brightness. I felt the sun cascade across my face, as I let my self feel, and see nothing except the redness behind my closed eye lids. I sighed a light smile across my face.

"Ness?" Jake's soft voice broke me from my trance. I looked at his face. He had a light smile on his face as well. He seemed amused. "Follow me," he whispered lightly, yet excitedly. I giggled and followed him. There were no people here, so we both ran with inhuman speed to where ever Jake was bringing me to.

Jake skidded to a stop in mid run, then extended his freekishly long arm to stop me from going any furthur. "Wait," he said, turning to me. His eyes were glistening with excitement. I couldnt help but grin at him.

"Why are we stopping?" I asked, impatiently. I _really_ wanted to see what he was going to show me.

"Here," he pulled something out of his back pocket, a sleeping mask. "cover your eyes, with this. Don't peek." he added, eyeing me. I stuck my tounge out at him, but did as I was told.

"Fine," i grumbled.

"Get on my back," He instructed. It wasn't as easy as it would usually be, climbing on jake's back, Considering my lack of vision. It was annoying, not being able to see anything. It brought out my vampiristic side. It wanted to make sure there was no threat. Loosing sense of sight was a weekness. I frowned. It was very irritating, but I trusted Jake with my life. Somehow, i found my way onto his back.

Then I felt us moving forward. This movement was familiar to me. Jake would always give me piggy backs. Excitement and curiosity immidiatley replaced my irritation. I just _really_ wanted to know what the big surprise was. I relied on my only other senses - already knowing asking Jake where he was taking me would be a waste of time and breath, - I turned to my nose, and ears to give me the clues. I zeroed on my surroundings using only my two senses.

The woosh of the waves gently touching the shore was just as close as it was before. We were still on the beach. I could still smell the salty arouma of cooling sea breeze. I could faintly hear the cars on the highway...

The sound of chirping birds, and forest life became more definate. We were closer to the forest, then. The warm, light touch of the sun instantly left my skin. I frowned, We were in the shade. I felt Jake set me down.

"Can I take this thing off now?" I asked, impatience seeping through my tone, no matter how much I fought it.

"Yup," He probably smiled. "Go ahead." I ripped the blind fold off and let my eyes adjust to the scene before me. We were standing on the edge of shade, where sand met greenery, and soil. We were at the edge of the forest. A elegant green canopy of trees hung down, over us. But I was more focused on the beach infront of us. Secluded. A mini beach. We were closed in, by a thin layer of trees and brush, secluded from the rest of the beach. The sand was whiter, here. The rocks were more colourful. I was in a state of awe. It was even more gorgeous than the main beach. the water was just a bit clearer, and the sun was just a bit warmer. It was all just a little bit more perfect. I sifted my feet through the cool, shaded sand beneath my feet. _Softer_ too. I looked up at Jake.

"It's _gorgeous._" I whispered. "_Perfect."_ It was _our _own beach! Our own perfect little beach! I giggle bubbled through me in excitment. I ran over o the shore, and let the cool waves kiss my toes. I looked up at the sky. It was just a little more perfect from here too.

"Do you like it?" Jake asked me, quietly. It was funny how Jake could be all smug and competitive at one moment, then all sweet and shy the next. I turned to look at him. His eyes were glowing, which set off his sheepish smile perfectly. I grinned at him.

"I LOVE IT, JAKE!" I squeeled, and jumped into his arms that were always outstretched for me. I touched his cheek, and showed him all the fun things we could do here, like swimming, looking for rocks, water fights, or just coming to sit and watch the sunset! "We can do anyting you want, Ness." He flashed my favourite smile. I loved it when Jake smiled. His perfectly white teeth contrasted with his warm skin. His dark, deep set eyes would light up, in a way that no one else's could. I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him as tightly as i could.

"So are we gonna go swimming, or what?"

"Last one in's a rotten egg!" I squeeled, as I threw my dress off, and jumped into the warm, clear water in my bathing suit.

I opened my eyes beneath the waves. I was right - the water was _much_ clearer here. I could see all the way to the ocean floor. The colourful rocks that dotted the sand sparkled, and glinted as the reflection of the sun hitting the moving waves bounced off them. I surfaced, and took the breath my lungs asked for. Jake was wading to wards me amongst the surface, smiling.

"You're the rotton egg," I declared, then splashed him right in the face.

He shook the water out of his hair like a dog after a shower. I lauged at him.

"You're such a dog, Jake."

"Yeah, but I'm your dog," He grinned at me, his face lighting up.

Me and Jake swam and played, and talked for hours, beneath the welcoming heat of the sun, as we were embraced by the warm, yet cooling crystal clear waves of our little beach. A day with Jacob would pass by like a second. I never got tired of his company. Always happy, smiling, glowing, _warm._ He was always warm and bright. He was like the sun. _My_ sun. Created to keep me warm in every way possible. I would never understand what I had done to deserve Jacob or his unconditional love for me. I sighed internally at this. I truly did not deserve him to be at my side twenty four seven, but I would take him anyways. I don't think I could ever live if I couldn't see him smile everyday as he greeted me goodmorning, or when I teased him about something irrelivent. Jacob had become such a big part of my life. Even the thought of not being able to see him everyday broke my heart. I couldn't imagine it.

"Jacob?" I asked as we watched the sun set behind the horizon, from the warm, dry, comfort of the sandy shore.

"Mhm?" he mumbled, entranced as was I, by the picturesque sight of the sky turning oranges, and reds, dancing across the waves, turning everything magical.

I pulled my legs up, and wrapped my arms around them, resting my chin on my knees.

"Can you promise me something?" I asked, nervously, yet determined to get my promise out of him.

"Anything, Ness." He agreed willinglly, immedietly shifting his attention to me.

I took a unnescisary breath.

"I want you to promise me, Jacob, to stay with me." I paused. " Forever." I looked at him then, anticapating his reaction. Would he not want to stay with me that long? I mean, I knew we were imprinted, but he still had his freedom of choice. I wouldn't take that away from him. I just needed to know that I could have him by my side forever, that I wouldn't have to be scared of waking up one morning, and realizing he wasn't there. The fear of the possible furture could have brought me to tears on the spot. I bit them back.

Then I gasped as I was tugged up into a scorching hug from Jacob. I could barely breathe.

"Forever, Ness. Forever. I promise you." He whispered in my ear.

I pressed my hand to his cheek as I pressed my face to the nook of his neck. _Thank you_.

"_Nayeli",_ he whispered in his native language, knowing that only I would know what he had said;

_'I love you'_

As long as I knew the truth of his words, I could live.

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**Please let me know what you think!**

**(Yes, "Nayeli" Does really mean "I love you" In Quileute.) ... {cute, eh?}**

**did I capture the charcaters corrrectly? how did I do? Favourite part? Any emotions you felt?**

**Please review! **

**I love you guys to death!**

**(:**

**xoxo**

**Soul Deep Love**


	4. Change

**Disclaimer: No one owns Twilight except for Stephenie Meyer, I'm sure everyone in the world knows this... So I'm not sure why I even bother putting these up {psstt! I don't own twilight}**

**Heyyyy!**

** So I was really excited about writing this chapter! Thinking about writing this chapter gave me goosebumps alone! It IS very SHORT! it was supposed to be MUCH MUCH MUCH longer, and I have alot to write for this "part"in the story but I split it where I could (: Dont worry, this whole scene will not end here.**

**I HOPE YOU LIKE IT! I WAS SO EXCITED TO WRITE IT!**

** (: pleaseeeeee let me know what you think, how it made you feel. Your reaction! THANKS ILY!**

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**CHAPTER 4 - Change**

**NPOV**

"Happy Birthday, Sweetie," Momma greeted me good morning, and sat on the edge of my bed, as I stretched my arms and yawned. Something felt... different. Maybe it was just excitment, for my birthday... but it didn't seem like it. I felt a different spark in myself. It felt... _good. _But off. Something had changed. It was probably because my aging had stopped... yeah, that was probably it...

" 'Morning, Momma," I smiled at her.

She sighed. " I - I just can't beleive that you're fully grown. My little girl is not a little girl anymore."

"Face it, Momma." I smiled, " I was never a _little_ girl, intuectually, anyways."

"I guess that's true." Momma half smiled, fighting the sadness clear in her eyes.

"Don't worry, Momma. I'll always be your little nudger," I joked. "Promise." She smiled and leant in to embrace me the way only a mother could, in her familiar cold stone arms.

"NESSIE!" None other than Alice screeched from the doorway, "Get _up! _ We need to get you ready!" Aunt Alice tore me from my mothers grasp, and shoved me into my extremely oversized walk in closet, that I noticed contained none of my clothing.

"Aunt Alice, this.. these are not my clothes." I told her as she shoved through the dress rack that monopolized the whole west wall of my closet.

"Oh yes, I almost forgot... Happy Birthday!" She told me, not at all focused on me, but the dresses infront of her.

"You got me an entirely new wardrobe for my birthday?" disbeleif, coloured my tone. Not at the fact that she had done this for me, no. That much was expected. I couldn't beleive that I hadn't seen this coming. What more could you expect from a shopoholic Aunt, equipped with multiple shiny black, loaded credit cards, and only one neice? What more could you expect from Aunt _Alice, _herself?

"Well," she muttered, holding out a gorgeous white sundress, towards me. "You _are_ fully grown, now, and I beleive you need clothes to accomodate to that. Heaven forbid you wear something that _dosen't fit you_." She winced. The sincere discust in her tone made me laugh, as I took the gorgeous dress from her, and hugged her close to me. "Thank you, Alice. I love you." She squeezed me for a moment, then pushed me back with her hands on my shoulders to asses me. "Look at you; all grown up. And _so _gorgeous. And today we are going to enhance that outstanding beauty of yours," she smiled, and tapped me on the nose. I giggled as she hauled me off to the bathroom.

Grandma had renovated the Cullen bathroom since I had been born. Considering we now had _people _in the house, that actually had working bodily systems, and _could_ use the bathroom. Jacob and the pack had been over quite a bit, so it seemed a nessessity to her. Grandma Esme would use anything as an excuse to renovate and redecorate. Especially if the purpose was to accomodate guests, or make them feel more comfortable for that matter. The bathroom was recoordinated in every way possible, now with tiled walls, granite floors, and counter tops. And God only knows the expensive material the toilet was made out of. To my family, money was no object.

Today the expensive granite countertop was advertizing an array of beauty supplies and cosmetics, hair products, skin products, all claiming to "beautify" a persons' surface. This would have been intimidating, if it weren't for the various times I had been hauled into this bathroom, to be "beautified" by Aunt Alice. I didn't despise vanity like my mom. I thought it was fun once in a while, to dress up, look extra nice, to have some girl time with my sister-like Aunt. But an everyday effort was not for me. There was no need. And it would really get irritating. Becoming "beautified" was usually not the most physically comfortable experience. My feet would always kill after the use of heals Aunt Alice would make me wear. Besides, I wasn't trying to impress anyone anyways. I mean, who would I try to look "beautiful" for? My family? Jacob? That was hardly the case.

My stomach fluttered. I felt blood burn to my cheeks. Something about the thought of impressing _Jacob_ ignited this reaction with in me. What was _up_ with me today? Jeez. I was probably just nervous about the party. Maybe I was nervous about seeing Jake.

Now why the hell would I be nervous about seeing Jake? He was the one person in the world that I felt most comfortable around, the most myself. Well it _was_ the first time seeing him, fully grown. The first time _he _would see me fully grown. Maybe I was just worried about what Jake would think of me. But it's not as if I had drasticly changed from yesterday. It's just that I had stopped changing. So it's not like he would think of me any differently. God, I was over thinking this. What was wrong with me?

The little spark I had felt earlier this morning was emphasising itself. I felt it slightly growing brighter. The warmth of this feeling was unfamiliar to me.

Only a few seconds had passed since we arrived through the bathroom door. I went to sit on the stool infront of the huge mirror above the sink, without instruction from Alice. She instantly went to work on my hair, brushing and rebrushing my waist long ringlets.

"So, how does it feel to finally be fully grown, Ness?" Aunt Alice asked with hushed excitment as she began styling my hair.

I thought about the odd sense of warmth I was feeling today. "It feels... good, I guess. It feels... different? Good different."

Alice raised one perfect eyebrow at me in the mirror at my akward response, then dropped it. Figuring it best to leave it alone. The rest of the time spent in the bathroom was quiet, but comfortable. I stared at my reflection in the mirror, seeing nothing, but instead, letting my mind wander.

As the bathroom clock ticked closer to noon, the little spark I felt grew even brighter. I tried to swallow it back, but failed misserably, suddenly I wanted the clock to tick slower, But I knew everything would be better once I could be with my best friend. Everything was always better with him. I could tell him about anything. I would tell him about this, the weird warmth in my stomach, the unfamiliar spark in myself. He probably couldn't give me any answers, but he would be there. He would always be there. Even the thought alone instantly had me feeling better. I would just have to wait until noon. Suddenly, the clock was ticking much too slow for my liking.

"You look gorgeous." Alice complemented quietly as she slipped the dress over my skin. The soft material clung to my figure comfortabley. After flashing a quick glance at the clock, Alice whipped on my makeup on quickly yet extremely miticulously. As if her hands could make a mistake. She wrapped a belt bellow my bust and spun me around so I could face the wall length mirror beside the stand-up shower.

I gasped quietly. The white sundress clung to my bust, making me appear older. The light, woven belt emphasizing my chest. The fabric gently flowed away from my torso, and waist, and stopping a bit above my knees. The dress was fun, yet sophisticated, and exotic, yet casual. Modern, yet classic. My brown eyes popped, and were emphasized by different shades of blues and browns. My redish bronze ringlets hung down to my waist. My hair, always parted in the middle, was now crowned with braids, reminding me of a sort of Juliet hairdo from _Romeo and Juliet._

"Alice," I told her at a loss for words, " I love it! Thank you!"

She hugged me tight. "Happy Birthday, Gorgeous." she whispered in my ear as she handed me a pair of woven flipflops, bordered by white. I thanked God that they weren't stilletos.

"Now, everyones' waiting for you downstairs. Are you ready?"

I took a deep breath, and nodded at my Aunt. Then turned to the door, and began my descend down the stairs.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" was all I heard when I hit the bottom step. But my mind, vision, and ears focused on only one - Jacob. He stood there smiling his breath taking smile. And everyone else disappeared. I could no longer hear the other 'happy birthdays' and 'congratulations' from other members of my family. They all blurred away. All I saw was _him._

His arms were already opened for me, as they had been all my life, and forever would be. I sighed, and grinned back at him, and ran over into his arms like I've been waiting to do since I had woken up this morning. His warmth engulfed me, as did his scent. His woodsey, rustic scent that meant I was home. His thickly muscled arms arapped around my figure, as he embraced me. A shiver ran down my spine. "Happy Birthday," he whispered in my ear, his hot breath blowing down my neck, resulted in another uncontrolable shiver down my spine. God, what was happening. I raised my head from his chest to look at him. His dark, deepset eyes met mine.

And it changed.

The spark I had felt this morning, was no longer a spark. It was a flame. The heat engulfed my being. The warmth in my stomach had spread through my whole body. The warmth and the flicker of the spark mingled together and coursed through my body. Through my _being._ I was high wired. My heart was swelling. It felt as though the sparkling warmth had engulfed it too. Each and every part of _me_ was wired, as though the soothing warmth was also electric. His deep, dark eyes boring into mine was setting off a frenzy with in me. The sparks bursting, the warmth becoming even _warmer. _I didn't know what this was. What was happening, but I did know that nothing had ever felt more_ right. _

I couldn't escape his gaze. My body would not allow it. So I searched his deep eyes that bored into his soul. And I saw it. The reflection of what I was feeling in his eyes. A different spark that lay on the surface. I reached up and _very_ lightly stroked his cheek with my fingertips, which imediately were wired, sending waves of electricity through my arm. I began to pull my hand down when I was stopped by his. He covered my hand with his own and held it to his face. The electricity in in my finger tips had spread to my whole hand. It was as if I had been electricuted in the most pleasurable way.

Our gaze was left unbroken, as we stay frozen in time. It felt as though years had passed by in an instant... The warmth still tingling, coursing through my body.

"Nessie... Nessie!...NESSIE!" had broken me out of our transe - like gaze. Jacob immediatley dropped our hands from his face, but had left them connected. For which I was thankful, suddenly not wanting to be separated from him in the slightest. I mean, best friends held hands, right? It's not like we hadn't donw this before.

Every voice from around the room reached my ears in a second. Nothing had ever sounded so irritatingly loud.

"_What_, Emmet." I demanded to my irritating uncle.

"I've been calling you forever! That's what!"

"And _why _have you been calling me?" irritation coating my tone.

"Well when I tell you happy birthday, I kindda want you to hear me." I automatically ignored him, knowing that his reason was trully to break up the ...moment... that took place, just to bug me. I turned to the rest of my family, not really _seeing _anything, but only feeling Jacob's hand in mine, in a way I had never felt before.

Oh, Dear God. I didn't know what had happened, but I knew that it felt _right. _And that I had absolutely no idea what it meant, or what I was actually _feeling._

Jacob squeezed my hand, and a power surge shot through every nerve in my body. My thoughts became incohherant. What was he _doing _to me?

I had never felt this before. I knew that I never wanted this feeling to end.

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**Sooo! Nessie's full grown! I was excited to write this chapter!**

**I guess its _sortta_ a cliff hanger. I mean, whats gunna happen now?**

**I REALLY enjoyed writing this chapter and I hope you enjoyed readding it! please take the 2 seconds to review! (: it makes all the difference in the world to me.**

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	5. Pull

**Disclaimer: Haha, still don't own Twilight**

**Heyyy!**

**Thanks for reviewing! Especially those of you who reviewed on every chapter! Eee!**

**Soooooooooooooooooooooo, here is chapter 5! ta da!**

**I hope this pulls enough emotion out of you to make you review! ****Your reviews keep me going!... Knowing that the story had enough there for you to make you feel something with or for the characters - that's what keeps me going (: so please let me know if it did anything for you.**

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**CHAPTER 5 - Pull**

**JPOV**

The pleasurable spark I had felt earlier today was now coursing through my body, I could hear my heart pounding in my ears. I was wired. My vision was still off, off of everything but Nessie. Everyone else seemed far away, their voices muffled. A strange sense of euphoria washed through me. I was more alert, and more unaware than I had ever been. The strange mix of the two had me feeling like I was dreaming. But nothing in my life had ever felt so _real._

And nothing, nothing had ever felt more _right._

Through my entire life, I had never been more aware of the girl beside me than I was in this moment.

I kept my eyes on her. _Her._ Everything was _her._ All I could hear was the quick thrumming in her chest. The thrumming that had kept me sane, every since she was born. That heart beat had been my reason to live since the moment I layed eyes on her. All I could see was _her. _All of the sudden, she was all I could really s_ee._ The soft flow of her waist long, redish, brown ringlets. The way they flowed over the many curves of her fully matured body. The way her eyes lit up in the way no one else's could, caused me to light up along with her. My eyes zeroed in on her perfectly breath taking smile. The smile that matched her bright eyes. Her white teeth contrasted with her perfect warm ivory complection. The lips that framed her smile were flawlessly balanced. They looked so _soft_. Looking at her lips made the sparkling in my nerves kick up a knotch. A knotch I didn't even realize existed.

God, what was happening. I didn't know what to think. In this moment, though, I didn't _want _to think.

Then there was a pull, a pull that felt like it was composed of the sparks that were unending in my nerves. This pull was unbreakable. And it drew me closer. The warmth I felt was becoming warmer, as my eyes stayed stationary on her lips. I hadn't realized I had drawn closer to her body until her deep brown eyes met mine. It looked as if they were almost asking me to touch her soft, flawless lips with my own. The desire to do what every cell in my body was screaming at me was overwhelming. I felt my body freeze. I couldn't. I couldn't. I couldn't. The burn of the dire need didn't lessen as I faught everything I felt to find the rationolized part of my mind. It was the hardest thing I had ever had to do. Giving into this overpowering feeling would be as easy as falling. Resisting was the exact opposite. The rationolized part of my mind was _slowly_ being overpowered by the sparks. I could feel how easy it would be to give in.

But my mind yelled at me.

I couldn't. I couldn't feel this way. I couldn't feel this way about Nessie. About my best friend. But I did. I did. And the truth had never felt more right. The need to give into the warmth was killing me. I _needed _to. I needed to give in even more than I absolutely needed to feel her soft lips on mine...

Stop it! Stop it! _Stop it!_

_Damn it! _

I knew my needs meant nothing. It was Nessie's needs. Nessie's needs that were important to me. But she couldn't need _this._ She couldn't need me to feel this way about her. The thought crushed me. It showed me the spiraling black hole that I would surely plummet in if she didn't want me to feel this for her. Bescause I sure as hell could never stop feeling this. I knew this truth deep in my gut - that this feeling would never end. I knew, I would always be happy, if what she needed was to be only friends. But I also knew that it wouldn't ever be the same for me. I didn't think I could ever see her differently. This emotion was completely new to me. I didn't know what it meant. The answer seemed to show itself at that moment. Forcing me to figure it out.

I was in love with her.

Admitting the truth to myself caused the power surge to increase ten fold. Every _need_, every overwhelming desire becoming agonizingly strong. I had thought I had been in love with Bella. I had thought that was love. But I was wrong. I was dead wrong.

Nothing in the world had ever felt like this. It felt like I was glowing. I could never understand the glow in Edward's eyes when ever he looked at Bella. But now I did. I was sure I had the exact same look on right now. But I realized I couldn't. She would notice. The warmth coursed through my body stronger than before. Trying to stop my from resisting it. Trying to over power me. God only knows how much I wanted to give in.

The only window of resisting I could find was Nessie. Nessie. What Nessie wanted. Knowing she couldn't want this, was the only sliver of a chance I had of not crumbling beneath the unyeilding, wonderful feeling that would constantly coax me in. Coax me in to falling. Effortless. Easy. _Right._

The feeling of rightness, was eating me. I couldn't. _This_ couldn't be right. Beacause it could not be what Nessie would want. It couldn't. She couldn't feel this way for me. Impossible.

Her lips, still taunting me, still inviting me in. So warm, so soft. If only I could touch her lips with mine...

"Nessie! Hey girl! Look at you - all grown up!"

I had never been so annoyed, or so releived at the same time, to hear Quil call his congratulations to Nessie, snapping her from my gaze, to smile at Quil, who burst through the door behind me, the rest of the pack flanking him. Every sound in the room immediately flooded to my ears. Everyone becoming clear again. I immediately released my grip on her hand, which made my hand feel cold. Empty. I sighed. There was no going back.

She glanced once more into my eyes, before I backed away, allowing her to recieve her "happy birthdays" and "congratulations." I tried to hide everything I had felt from showing in my eyes. I knew I had failed. I could feel the emotion rebelling against the will I wish I didn't have. It would not allow me to beat it down. It was much too strong. Turning and walking away from her was unexpectedly hard to do. The pull I had felt seemed to emphasize itself as I moved furthur away. I realized just how much I hated the distance between us.

_Fight it, Jacob_. I commanded myself.

I shuffled over to the couch where most of the Cullen family was "sitting", as if they needed to sit. I was completely and utterly torn. But the happiness that came with the warmth was the best feeling I had ever expeirienced. I realized how much I wanted to give into the warmth. To just let everything go, and be happy. But I couldn't. I wouldn't. Because _Nessie_ needed to be happy. I would gladly sacrifice my life for her happiness any day.

I was so lost in thought, I hadn't noticed Blondie eyeing me from the love seat, Emmet sitting on the arm rest.

"What's with you, dog?" obviously I hadn't done a great job of keeping my internal conflict from showing on my face.

"I guess I didn't expect her to grow up so fast," I half lied, not in the mood to piss Barbie off.

It was true. She had grown up so fast. It wasn't unexpected. Just fast. But it was not the reason for the inner turmoil that wouldn't leave.

The sparkling in my nerves, the warmth that had seemed to engulf my heart, too, did not die down. I loved the spark. It felt _right. _The feeling for her was the only thing that felt right in this mess. It shouldn't feel right, but it did. There was no doubt in that truth. I didn't want the spark to go away. But at this moment I hated the spark, the warmth, the tingling in my nerves. Knowing that this was not true. I knew that I just really hated that I had to fight the wonderful feeling.

But I had do keep fighting the dire need to give in. I had to.

"I guess I feel the same," she half smiled, glancing at her only neice. This caught me off guard. Blondie _didn't insult me._ This was good. I needed a distraction, though I knew not much could distract me from the wonderful warmth.

But I seriously didn't feel like having a touchy feely moment with the air headed barbie doll. So I turned to Nessie, the only one that could take my mind off of everything and become my only focul point.

I watched her laugh and mock punch Seth in the shoulder. She was happy. And instantly, I was happy. A smile grew on my face, watching her enjoy herself. I could endure this, resisting, as long as I could see her smile.

She would still be my best friend. She had always been my best friend. I hadn't felt that change.

I could make her happy.

I loved the smile that grew accross her face when I would greet her every morning. Each and every smile of hers touched my heart.

This feeling. This feeling had caught me off guard. Not one moment in hell had I expected this. Of course it then chooses then to hit me in the face. Fate seemed to enjoy throwing life changing events at me like this. I laughed louder than I expected at myself, realizing how screwed up and wonderful my life was. I tried to disquise it as a cough. No one was fooled.

Ness turned then, when she had heard me laugh, and walked towards me.

The damned electrical surge just wouldn't be ignored. Coursing stronger, once again, in the most pleasurable way.

"What's soo funny?" she asked me, walking around to sit beside me, her eyes glowing, so bright, so warm, so inviting. I found myself getting lost in them again.

"I..uh.." Damn it! What was she _doing _to me! I couldn't even form words. I couldn't form a single thought! Just by looking at me, she could make every thought I ever had scatter and become incohherent. This girl was going to be the end of me.

_Woman. _My brain corrected me. Right, god, she was a woman now. And it showed. She no longer owned the body of the little girl I would watch sleep every night, no longer the body of the little girl who would ask for piggy backs in the afternoon. I sighed. No - no longer a little girl. She had grown, and she had grown into the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. Her dress hugged every curve of her body, Emphasizing everything I really shouln't be looking at. I felt my head tilt to the left slightly. I sighed.

"You...okay?" She asked me, my eyes automatically snapping up to hers again. I probably looked like an idiot right now, like the dog I was, who couldn't keep his tounge in his mouth.

"Uh, uhm yeah...yeah." I said stupidly, running my hand through my hair, praying that my nerves would calm down.

Of course they didn't.

"Jacob?" I smooth voice called me. I turned around to see Edward with his hands in his jean pockets, a slight smile playing on the corner of his lips.

"Uh... Yeah?"

"Walk with me." His voice instantly becoming all buissness.

I said nothing, but followed him out the back doors, feeling Nessie's eyes on my back the whole way.

I ran with Edward for a few minutes. He obviously wanted to be out of hearing range. So this was important.

"Just a little." he confirmed my thought as we slowed to a walk.

"What's up?" I asked, attempting to keep the nerves out of my voice.

"Well Nessie's fully grown today..."

"And?" What the hell was he getting at?

"Look Jacob, I'm not about to beat around the bush. It's just that I couldn't help but over hear your change of feelings for my daughter..." he trailed off.

Oh shit.

He knew.

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**Now I hope that this made you say**

**DAMNIT JACOB KISS HER ALREADY! **

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	6. Indecisive Hope

**Disclaimer: ...still don't own the characteerss (: ...**

**Heyyy! **

**So I didn't realize how much I missed Jake and Ness. I actually wasn't going to update till the weekend, or maybe monday, but the reviews pushed me! THANKS! :D **

**I hope you enjoy this chapter! (im sorry for typoss!) **

**Pleasseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee let me know how you like this chap! - I luv u guys for readdinggg! ... More so for reviewing! :D  


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**CHAPTER 6 - Indecisive Hope**

**JPOV**

_"Look Jacob, I'm not about to beat around the bush. It's just that I couldn't help but over hear your change of feelings for my daughter..." he trailed off._

_Oh shit._

_He knew._

"Uh... yeah... I - I couldn't... I can't really help that, Edward." I said, knowing that playing dumb, pretending I had no idea what he was talking about was already out the window. Stupid mind readers. I found myself mentally cringing as I waited for him to blow up into the over protective, furious dad with a temper problem.

Waited.

Nothing.

I peaked at him from the corner of my eye.

"I'm not mad, Jacob." He clarified, half smiling, not a _trace_ of anger in his voice.

"I'm sorry, what?" He_ wasn't mad._ How the hell could _Edward _not be mad that I had fallen for _his only daughter?_

He sighed thoughtfuly. "I want you to know that I am not mad, Jacob. I know that if I had to choose anyone for my Renesmee, it would be you."

Wait a second, the vamp had said he was _okay _with this. With me... _feeling_ things for Renesmee. As if I were to be something as special in her eyes.

My heart thudded at the thought of ever being _Nessie's someone._ The thought of ever being worthy of _her _love, of her to ever see me the way I saw her, could have me phasing from the happiness. If I wouldnt have tried so hard to crush it down.

"As much as I would like to agree with you, Edward, I can't." The words pained me.

He raised an eyebrow at me.

Could he seriously not see the obvious?

"Don't you get it, Edward? Nessie... she's - she's everything perfect. She's everything beautiful and wonderful about life. And I'm me. Just me. Jacob Black. The destined sworn protector of _her._ And destined _brother._ She looks at me and she sees family, Edward. She sees her _brother",_ The thought of ever being Nessie's 'brother' again had me cringing. "I can't... she would never..." I sighed.

"I - I could never deserve her," the words were whispered, barely audiable, though I knew he could hear me. I let my head fall in shame. I would never be good enough for her. She deserved someone better than me.

"So you beleive that my daughter does not return your feelings, am I correct?"

"I know it, Edward." I whispered, having to let myself sink to the ground against the tree beside me for support. Edward stopped walking when he saw me stop, and sat at the base of the tree across from me, though I knew he needed no such thing as rest. The sun was setting behind the forever green olympic mountains, turning the unusually clear sky orange, reminding me of when me and Ness would sit on the sandy shore of Our Beach, and watch the sky turn oranges and reds as it set behind the horizon of the ocean. How Ness would pull her knees to her chest and wrap her arms around them, signifying she was cold, and how I would wrap my arm around her to keep her warm. How she would lean into my shoulder and everything would feel perfect, because my life was with me. My life was happy. She was happy. We'd enjoy just being close to one another, and watch the beauty of the world around us. The beauty I never noticed until Nessie was born. She had opened my eyes to the world. She had given me a life worth living. Then of course Ness being the mood killer she is, would say something stupid, hilarious, and so _her_. And we would burst out laughing, falling back into the cool sand, and lie there until the sky would turn black, watching the stars. And it was perfect.

Maybe if we were to sit on Our Beach again, maybe if she would get cold, I would be able to wrap my arm around her petite frame, and pull her closer to my side. If only I could lean down, brush her curls from her neck, and whisper to her the words I was dying to say. If only it were that simple. If only she wouldn't push me away, revolted, as naturally she should be.

"Well, Jacob. These are your choices to make. It's _your_ turn to figure this out. The only thing I will say is promise yourself that you will not give up on... this... too soon. You never know." He said, chuckling for some bizzar reason. As if he found my situation amusing.

"But you do."

"Just because I read minds, people think I'm a know-it-all. Quite a sterotypement if you ask me." he stopped when he realized I wasnt paying much attention to him. "Just... just don't give up on her feelings for you. Nessie is very unpredictable." He smiled, and sped off back to the house before I could blink.

I sat there motionless, staring at the mossy rocks and undergrowth beneath me. He had said not to give up on her. Not to give up on the possibility of an _us._ He actually thought Ness could feel as I did.

I felt cold. Depression just wasn't my thing. Let alone self pity. Wallowing in personal sorrow seemed pathetic to me. Pointless. As if it was going to get me anywhere. Maybe I was being too pessimistic. Maybe there was a chance. Maybe there _was_ hope. The thought had me brightening already.

I couldn't act on my feelings, but I could hope. I could hope that I was destined for her.

But I wouldn't give it away to Nessie. No. If it was meant to be, Nessie would feel it too.

My thoughts were inturuppted by the silent breeze of an how only an immortal could walk across the forest floor, and the hum of the heartbeat that meant my life was near.

She made no sound to make her presence known so I knew what her plan was. Nessie was forever trying to scare me. Forever trying and failing.

I watched a single green leaf from the tree above me as it fluttered, and twirled to land delicately on the forest floor, automatically blending in with its surroundings.

"BOO!" and Ness was crouched infront of me, grinning, her eyes glowing, waiting for a reaction.

I just grinned at her. she pouted, her perfect bottom lip jutting out adorably. "I can never get you," she complained. Her voice causing my heart to splutter, and the warmth coursing through my veins once again.

"Might as well give up now, well you still have your pride, Ness." I teased as she stood up from her crouch. I found my eyes zeroing in on the scrunch of white fabric, as her dress rode up her thigh, revealing the warm cream colour of her upper thigh. Oh god. My brain was automatically wondering what it would be like if I could feel her soft delicate skin on the tips of my fingers...

_Stop it! Damn it! _

But my damned eyes refused to lift their gaze from the exposed skin. She fell silent when she noticed. I saw her follow my unmoving gaze to her thigh. She tugged the hem of her dress down hastily and blushed the most beautiful shade of pink I had ever seen. Her pale skin flushed delicately, causing me the almost irrisistable urge to want to want to cup her face in my hand, to brush my thumb over her cheek, to hear her sigh my name as she leaned into my hand...

_Hands to yourself, damnit!_

"Sorry," she whispered, biting her soft, pink lip.

"Don't be." I said. I heard her hearbeat pause for a tenth of a second, and restart twice as fast. My heartbeat reacted to hers. I watched as she sat down in front of me, our knees almost touching. I looked up and met her warm gaze.

And it all disapeared.

The warmth coursed through my veins, sparkling. I could _hear_ the hum in the air between us. The horrible part was that every part of her was inviting me in. Her cheeks were still lightly flushed, begging my hands to reach out and graze her skin with my fingertips. The action seemed simple enough. But I wasn't stupid. I knew once I did, I would only want more. Her scent wafted into my face, lightly carressing my skin that had grown sensitive and extremely reactive to anything that signified _her. _Her smell was the most beautifuly intoxicating smell I had ever encountered in my life, and the most beautiful smell I was sure ever existed.

She looked down at her hands entertwined in her lap, breaking our gaze. I had to cross my arms over my chest, cleanching my fists. I had to restrain myself somehow from reaching over to tilt her chin up with my finger. For I only knew what that would lead to.

"So.. uhm... you've been here quite a while," she mummbled to the ground. I desperately wished she would look at me. "You... okay? Something... wrong?"

Was something up? Yes. Was something the matter? Yes. Was something screwed up? Yes. Was something _wrong?_ I couldn't say. Wrong could mean so many different things at this point. Maybe I was wrong for her. Maybe it was wrong that I felt this way because she looked at me as a brother. It was obviously wrong that I was actually _noticing _her... her... physical maturity. Hell! It was wrong that Edward didn't decided to bite my head off today! Alot of things were _wrong_. Then why the hell was it that when I looked at her, and I undenyingly felt _this,_ that _this_... it felt _right. _Right in so many ways. What was I supposed to say to that?

_'No Ness, not at all, Im glad you asked because it just so happens that im hopelessly, desprately, and undenyably in love with you. I look at you, and my knees give in beneath me. My heart stops, and everything disappears. I can't breathe, Ness. I can't even remember my name when you're near me. I notice how your hips sway when you walk, how your long ringlets exsensiuate your waist. The way your dress clings to your body, The way your eyes light when you smile, the way your gorgeous blush grazes over your cheeks, making me want to devour you. But I wouldn't say that's _wrong _necsarily. I guess it depends what you think. Because if you still think of me as your brother, forget I said any of that." _

Nice, Jacob. very suave. Way to keep it light.

"No... No not really." I tried to keep the turmoil out of my voice.

Her eyes snapped up to me then. "Spit it out Jake. We could sit here all night if we have to."

"You're soo impatient," I scolded. I sighed when she just stared at me expectantly. "I guess I just have alot on my mind." I said, trying to be as truthful with her as I could. I knew I couldn't deserve her, but I could at least _try _to. Honesty was a good start.

" I can relate to that," she sighed, relaxing.

"Why? What's on your mind?" As I should have expected, the curiosity of wanting to know what she was thinking side tracked me.

"I'll tell you when you tell me." Why did she have to be so difficult?

"I guess I've been thinking alot about you..." I heard her heart quicken, or I thought. I could barly hear anything besides my heart pounding in my ears. "...you're fully grown now, Ness. That's alot of change... alot to take in..." Well, I wasn't exactly lying. I just wasn't going into detail...

"And?" she prompted quietly.

"And what?"

"Well you can't just say there's alot to take in, Jake. It's alot to take in for my family. For me. But not a simple thing like that would consume your hard head, Jake. I know you." Damn. She did.

"_You_ are not a simple thing, Ness." I defended lamely.

"You _know _what I mean."

I sighed. "Let's just say I feel... different today... Good different." What an understatement.

"...I- I have sortta been feeling that way too," her eyes boured into mine then, shimmering warmth. Seeing her eyes glow lit a hope in me. Made me beleive that there might be a chance that maybe just maybe she might see me the same way.

"How?" Was there a possibility that she could be feeling the same warmth I felt coursing through my veins?

She blushed bright pink.

"I-it's kindda hard to explain, Jake."

"Then show me." If she could just press her palm to me, like she had done a million times before, if she could show me what she could just show me what she was feeling...

She sighed, and looked up at me. Her eyes were guarded. What was she feeling that was so hard for her to show me? She always told me everything.

She hesitantly stretched her hand up to my cheek, and stroked it with her fingertips, leaving a burning trail behind. Heat coursed through my body stronger than before. My thoughts fluttered. My heartbeat quickened. I was getting dizzy. How was she doing this to me?

"Okay," she whispered. Her palm, almost touching my cheek. I anticipated what she was about to show me.

"NESSIEEE!" the most irritating voice in the world chimed in her pixie tone.

"Alice?" Nessie asked, her hand immidiately releived from my face, blocking my only view into what she was feeling.

"Where have you _been?"_ An angry pixie scolded, hands on her little waist, tapping her foot impatiently.

"Where does it look like I've been, Alice? I'm with Jacob." The way she said my name sent a shiver up my spine.

"Your missing your _own party_, young lady. You have guests at the house. This behavior isn't very ladylike of you."

"Aunt Alice! This is my _final birthday!_ Could you please cut me some slack?" Renesmee had never ending patience with her aunt, that none of us could understand.

Alice sighed, defeated. "I'm sorry, Ness. You're right. It is your birthday. But Your mom seriously wants you home now. It's getting dark."

Ness sighed, but stood up, notably making sure this time that her dress wasn't tiding up. I wasn't really sure I should be thankful for that or not.

The three of us ran back to the main house. As soon as I hit the clearing, I phased back while they went inside. I stood and watched as the stars were slowly beggining to twinkle more promenantly in the unusually clear black sky.

I would have to find out what she was feeling. I had to. But did I really want to know?

I sighed at the confusion she caused me. She obviously didn't want to tell me. I couldn't force it out of her. Maybe I would wait for her to bring it up again.

I sighed at the turmoil one girl who had me wrapped around her finger ever since she was born. The one girl who could change my life with one bat of her dark lashes.

_Not just one girl_ , my brain reminded me. _The only girl in the world. The one._

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**_TA DA!_**

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	7. All Along

**Diclaimer: Same as the other chapters (: **

**Hi there,**

**So here's a little secret: I actually never plan my chapters, I go with the flow, it comes to me while I'm typing. I guess I had to do some brainstorming for this chapter(: COUGH COUGH google images COUGH **

**I hope you enjoy this chapter ;) Keep up the reviews(: constructive critisism is always welcomed. **

**(btw, this chapter is acttually longer YAY thought my first chapter was around 5000 words, my past... 4 chapters or so have been ranging from 2000, to 2700 words. This chapter is over 3800 (: (: (: I hope you like it!**

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**CHAPTER 7 - All Along**

**NPOV**

"This is for you, Ness, from all of us," Seth smiled at me as he handed me a small brown box. I sat on the couch behind me and shook the box close to my ear. The contents of the box thudded around a bit. I watched my family as they sat around the living room, watching me. Alice sat in Jasper's lap, with her legs crossed on the sofa. Uncle Jasper rested his chin on her shoulder, and smirked at me. Mom sat beside dad on the other sofa, and rested her head on his shoulder when he put his arm around her. All of my family was crowded around, watching me.

The pack clustered to one side of the large living space. They all looked at me expectantly. I had never realized what a sense of belonging I had here with my family. My very extraordinary family. We were the freeks amongst those who were freeks. And I would never have it any other way.

I tore the brown paper away from the little box. Underneath the wrapper was a dark leather box. On top of it was a small card. Insctripted on the front was

Nessie,  
This is from all of us wolves.  
Happy Birthday (:  
Love,  
Your bros.

It would be an understatement to say the boys were a people of few words. I smiled, and opened the leather box that lay on my lap.

I gasped silently.

Inside lay a brown leather cuff. It represented the guys all by itself. But the thing that caught my attention was the rustic golden carved symbol that I had seen a few times in my life. It was soo detailed and beautiful. I picked up the cuff and ran my thumb over the gold that was woven onto the gorgeous peice of art.

"It's a Quileute symbol." Seth answered as if he had heard my silent question. "It represents the brotherhood of the pack. The loyaty, It symbolizes alot for us, Ness. So we wanted you to have something that could represent you in our lives and us in yours. You're practically part of the family." I looked up and smiled at Seth.

"Thank you, guys, I _love it._ I don't know what to say. It's gorgeous."

It looked handmade, so I slipped it onto my wrist as gently as I could. I loved it. It felt as though I could take a part of the pack with me where ever I went.

I hugged the whole pack, which was more like being engulfed by flames. But I didnt mind. I loved the familiar scorching hugs of my family.

It was around 11:30pm when the pack made their way home to crash. Embry had fallen asleep on the couch. I had watched from beside Aunt Rose as Jake and Seth mad their way from the kitchen with a huge salad bowl of ice water. I forgot how quietly they could move.

I had laughed so hard when Embry had shreiked when the guys had thrown ice water on his head. Of course Embry tackled. The brotherly brawl made it's way outside the back door, where they all phased into wolves. I had watched out the glass wall as Paul joined the brawl for no reason at all. I would never understand the guys, but I loved them to death.

I had gotten so many gifts. Aunt Alice had gotten me my closet with her chosen brand new wardrobe. Momma had given me the necklace Aro had given her as a wedding gift. A few tears were shed for that gift. It represented alot to me, though for Momma meant little. I saw the struggle my family had gone through for me when I looked at that necklace. The volturri had left us alone. My family had fought for me. That peice of jewelery was a reminder for me of how strong our family bond really was. It was a peice of jewlery I would never wear. It would make its home in a display box somewhere in my room.

Daddy, had gotten me a shiny new Dodge Viper. It was a gorgeous car. A little flashy for Forks, but everyone in this little town knew the Cullens to drive flashy vehicles. Momma had finally convinced Dad to buy a more inconspicuous car for her. She despised the Ferrari, or the "after car", and all the attention it attracted. Mom had eneded up with another Red Chevy Truck. Hers had broken down in her human years. Dad had put up an argument with the request but he never refused Momma what she wanted. His only condition was that the truck was brand new and not from the scrap yard. Dad hated slow cars.

Uncle Emmet being the child I loved, had gotten me the most hugest Teddy Bear I had ever seen in my whole life. It was as tall as me. It was actually as tall as me. I had to put it in my rocking chair because it would have occupied my whole bed. But I loved it to death. It was just _so _soft. Uncle Emmet was more a brother than an Uncle.

Aunt Rose had gotten me the largest make up collection I had ever seen in my life, all products imported from france or something. It all came set up on the white ivory designer vanity table that currently monopolized the east wall of my room.

The gift from Grandpa and Grandma was beautiful. It was a jewel encreasted jewelery box. With multicoloured jewels. My whole family knew I loved colours. I didn't ask if the jewels were real because the answer should have been obvious. The jewelery box rested on my bedside table beside my framed picture of my Grandparents.

I watched as Jake closed the door, laughing, as he said bye to his brothers. Wasn't he sleepy? I thought he would have been leaving now too. He smiled as he strode over beside the couch I was sitting and knelt down to my eye level.

"Can we take a walk?" he whispered, his voice low and husky. A shiver ran down my spine. My stomach exploded into a flurry of tingles. His eyes brightened. His warm, deep set brown eyes. I swore I could see his soul. I tried to form words, but his face was so close to mine. I could feel the heat radiating from his face, warming mine slightly. His breath wafted around me, intoxicatinng me, causing every thought to vanish from my mind. I found myself leaning dangerously closer,my body craved his near mine. God, what was I doing? I caught myself abruptly, before I could allow myself to get any closer.

I forced myself to look away. _Anywhere_ but him. Surely I would make an idiot of myself, if I looked into his eyes again.

"Uhm, uh yeah. Sure. Absolutely.", I said akwardly, still flustered. Nice, Ness. Real smooth. He chuckled lightly under his breath. My face instantly warmed with the damned blush my mom just _had _to pass on to me.

Silently, and a little akwardly, Jake extended his hand to me. I bit my lip and placed my hand in his.

The spark shot through me like an electric surdge. The tingles washed through my body. I coudnt help the shiver that shot through my spine. A small gasp escaped me. I saw Jake eyeing me through the corner of mine as I stood up. I mashed my mouth into a line as we walked hand in hand out the door, like we had done so many time before. Yet we had _never_ done_ this_ before. I could not say that we had ever walked like this before, hand in hand the same way. This was entirely different and wonderful. And I didn't want it to end.

Jake and I ran hand in hand across the river to the bench that Esme had put there for land scaping purposes. It was pitch black outside, now. Though that didn't inturrupt my vision in any way. The stars and moon were shining unusually bright tonight over the olympic mountains. I loved the cool crisp air of the forest in the night. I sat down on the antique looking bench and patted the seat beside me.

Jake sat down and shuffled in his seat, looking a bit akward.

"So what's up?" I smiled trying to ease my own nerves.

He looked up at me but avoided my gaze, shuffling around a bit in his pocket. He pulled out a little black sachet, and grabbed my hand facing my palm up. Jake dumped the contents of the sachet into my palm.

"Happy Birthday," he whispered, smiling lightly at me. I looked at what lay in my palm.

I was in a state of awe. I fixed my gaze on the silver charm necklace that lie in my hand. Hanging on the end of the necklace were two wooden charms. I twirled the first in my fingers. It was a circular image of the quileute symbol I had on the leather cuff, but it was wooden, and intricately carved.

"Did you _make _this?" I whispered, still awestruck.  
"Uhm... yeah." Jake whispered akwardly, holding the back of his neck with his hand.  
"Jake, this is unbeleivable." I whispered as I switched to examine the second wooden charm. This one was Jacob. It was just Jacob written all over it. In between my fingers was a small wooden wolf howling to the sky. The colour suit perfectly, the rustic, woodsy colour of his coat was exact to the wooden wolf in my hands.

"It's you." I whispered to my wolf, smiling.

"Yeah, I uh, didn't know if you would think this is corny or not, but I just thought you could have a little reminder of me, where ever you went." The sinceirty and innocence in his voice caused me to have to bite back tears. How I loved this gift. I could have a little token of my Jacob no matter where I went.

"It's not corny, Jake. It's perfect. Absolutely _perfect." _I assured him, my voice a little shakey from the tears I was biting back.

I examined the wooden symbol again, and flipped it over in my fingers. Something caught my eye. An inscription. My eyes zeroed in on the writing ingraved on my charm.

_Nayeli.  
Forever._

The tears I had been fighting to bite back so hard overflowed freely now, without restraints. I remembered the words Jacob would whisper to me all the time when i was a child. The only words that could ever comfort me, or make me smile. The only words that could put my world back in line again, the only words that truely made sense.

I threw my arms around his neck and held myself there in his burning embrace. His arms were automatically locked around my waist. I let the tears overflow into his shoulder.I pressed my palm to his back as quickly as I could so he wouldn't over react at my sudden burst of tears.

_I love you too, Jake. Forever._

His arms tightened around me, and I was home. I was right where I was supposed to be. The world could be complete turmoil but I was safe. The world was perfect and still and peaceful in his arms.

And it hit me. It hit me like a tidal wave crashing down on the shore. impossible to ignore - It was Jacob. It was Jacob all along. It had been Jacob my whole life.

I was in love with him.

I was in love with the one person who had been there everyday and every second of my life. The one person who made sense when everything else didn't. The one person who knew me to the core of my soul and loved me anyway.

The surdge shot through me like a lightening bolt making me suddenly aware of the proximity of our bodies. I pulled back, sniffling not wanting to be throwing myself at him. I glanced back at his face after wiping the tears from my eyes. The moonlight cascaded off of every surface of his face, stunning me into silence. Every beauty of his face was magnified and enhanced. My fingers found their way to his face, tracing every line of his perfection. I smoothed out the crease between his brows like I've been wanting to do for a long time.

My eyes found his lips. The spark was pulling me closer. God, no. I couldn't. Jake wouldn't. He could never... He couldn't be meant for me. But I needed him. I needed him _bad._

He leaned forward so that his head was beside mine.

"Follow me," He whispered, sending shivers down my spine.

I rode on his back, to the destination only Jake knew. I burried my face in his soft heated fur, inhaling his intoxicating scent as the trees whipped past us, into the blackened blur of the forest.

My head was spinning in the most wonderful way by the time I felt the lack of movement. I opened my eyes to take in my new location.

It was Our Beach.

I giggled like a little girl and jumped off his back to run to the soft black waves that kissed the shore. The night sky was clear black, so peaceful and calm. All the stars twinkled, as if they were complimenting the moon. I sat myself as close as I could to oncoming waves as I could without getting wet. I loved the feeling of the cool sand as I squished it between my toes.

I felt the heat radiating of off Jacob's body as he sat beside me.

"Soo beautiful," I whispered in awe at the blackened ocean shimmering in the moonlight.  
"I agree," I heard him whisper back, though he hadn't looked at the ocean at all, his eyes still glued to me.

I looked up to meet his unmoving gaze then, into his dark eyes. Electricity shot through my veins, causing me to become warmer than I already was. A sense of furvur rolled between us that was impossible to ignore.

His hand reached up to stroke my cheek with his finger tips, leaving a burning trail behind. By the time his fingers had touched my skin, I had lost complete control of my body. I felt myself lean into his palm, sighing. My eyes fell closed as I let the sensation of his warmth travel through me.

"Ness, theres something I have to tell you," He whispered, his eyes closed.

I needed to focus on Jake, and what he had to tell me. But my thoughts were scattered, fluttered into incohherency.

He took a deep breath, and opened his eyes. I was once again stunnded into silence at what the moonlight could do to something already so perfect. His eyes bored into mine, searching. And I saw it. Something different in the way he looked at me. It reminded me of how Dad sometimes looked at Mom...

"I-..I-"

The rising tide washed up against my lap. The ice cold water of the night made contact with my skin. The screech that escaped my lips surprised me. I jumped back into the cool, _dry_ sand, gasping for the air that had escaped my lungs. Alice wouldn't be too happy once she saw what had happened to my dress. Oh well.

Jake walked up slowly beside me smiling, and sat down beside me. He was soaked from the waist down, but obviously being the freekish human fireplace he was, didn't seem cold. It didnt even look like he knew he was wet.

My smile answered his warm one. We looked at eachother for a few seconds, then burst out in laughter, falling back into the cool sand. This was pretty typical for any day at the beach with Jake. Something stupid and just so completely _us_ would always inturrupt any peaceful meaningful moment we were previously having. But I loved it. Laughing with Jake was the best happiness in the world. Surely, there could be nothing greater. Pure bliss took over with each bubble of laughter that escaped my lips.

"I meant to do that," I laughed.

"Yeah, Ness, you're just _that _cool." He laughed at me.

My sided startes hurting from how hard I was laughing. I was gasping for air, when I rolled over on my side. I was once again stunned into silence when I realized Jake had rolled over too. And his face was more close to mine than it had ever been. I could feel the heat from his skin warming mine.

I felt my eyes fall closed. My body yearned to move closer. Just a little bit closer. I felt the tingling spread through my body, pushing me nearer.

And then I felt his lips on my nose. "Happy birthday, Ness." He whispered, his hot breath wafting over my face, causing my thoughts to flutter.

"Love you, Jake." I whispered the truth I had been feeling but had never realized. He wouldn't know the truth of my words spoken. I wasn't sure if I should be hopful if he had heard the change in my voice as I spoke. Could he hear the fire I felt when I told him I loved him? To a depth I didn't understand yet, myself. Could he hear the way I said his name? How I held on to it for dear life, because he was the only thing that kept me up when I felt like falling. Because his name simply explained to me why I was alive. I was alive for him. The spark fluttered as if it had been waiting for me to realize the truth of my feelings. It felt as though something was missing, with his face so close to mine. Yet I yearned for it to be closer. But did he? It was hard for me to beleive that he would feel this way. I couldn't imagine that _anyone_ could feel this way. The dissappointment clouded my thoughts.

Was I supposed to keep this from him then? Was this _wrong?_ If it was, I didn't think I could ever stop feeling the way I did. Impossible. It didn't feel wrong. It felt completely _right. _Did it feel wrong to him? He never attempted to distance himself from the closeness of our bodies so far tonight. Though that meant little. He could just be trying not to hurt my feelings. If he even knew I had _these_ feelings. Maybe he was completely oblivious to the way I had been feeling. Maybe I had been good at hiding them.

I didn't know what I was supposed to do now.

Maybe these feelings had clouded my vision too. Maybe I was just seeing things. I wasn't sure if it should be easy to mistake the different way he looked at me. The way Dad looked at Mom. I felt a flutter of hope in my stomach. A hope that glowed. A hope that I painfully fought to beat down. I shouldn't hope. Though I badly wanted to, I knew I shouldn't. I knew it would be wrong. Because if the truth was that I had been hoping for something that was impossible, I would crumble. I could see myself folding beneath the rejection. Beneath the disappointment that would be doubled if I allowed myself to hope.

"Love you more," he whispered back. Causing the hope I had been beating down to bounce back up again without any restraints. I was so weak compared to the spark, which bugged me more than I thought it would. I didn't like being weak.

My will power crumbbled when he pulled me close to his side, into his bare shoulder. I inhaled his scent, remembering it, and forgetting evrything else. My skin tingled at the way he held me. So intimately. He didn't seem to mind though. Which caused the hope to flutter again.

And unconscienceness took over me as we lay on the white sand of our beach, watching the stars twinkle around the moon. And it was perfect. As it had always been perfect, with Jake, at Our Beach.

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**(: So close. So close.**

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**BTW: if you can't conjure up an idea of what the Quileute wristband looks like, let me know, and I'll post it on my page. I don't like posting pictures of what I think it looks like because I know it's more fun to come up with the image yourself, according to the description. I hate when I picture something one way, and then theres a picture and it kindda ruins my idea of it:p So just lemme know! **

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	8. Tempted

**Disclaimer: Remainss the same: I still don't own the characters I love :'( **

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**I hope you like this chpter, i don't wanna give anything away so read on! **

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**CHAPTER 8 - Tempted**

**JPOV**

Oh God, that girl was gunna get it.

"Ness! Get back here!" I warned the girl attempting to dodge my playful attacks.

"Not a chance, Puppy!" she used the nick name she had "honored" me with on my 18th birthday, to her advantage, using it to taunt me.

"Haven't your parents told you that it's dangerous to tease a werewolf, Ness?" I growled, beads of water dripping from my hair, rolling down the back of my neck. I had been woken up by the ever so friendly ice cold salt water of First Beach. Courtesy of my imprint. My sneaky little imprint. She had always found my discomfort funny. I guess when you find people that laugh at your discomfort, you know they're family. Strangers would falsely sympathize for you - The kind of false sympathy that would make any discomfort worst. Life is easier when you don't have to worry about other people worrying about you all the time, easier when you know, no matter what, you can always laugh it off.

When I had given her her gift last night, she had hugged me. The thing that had caught my attention about that though, was the emotion she had projected through me without knowing. I had felt as her emotions fluttered. Hope, desire, relief, confusion, love, hopelessness, faith, realization - all the emotions a person could feel, jumbling together. As her thoughts had begun to settle, her hands had dropped their contact with my body. _Just in time. _The split second I could have finally figured out what she was thinking, my straight passageway to her thoughts, to her feelings immediately cut off. Perfect.

We had accidentally fallen asleep on the beach last night. I could have stayed up all night watching her sleep in _my _arms. Nessie had fallen asleep in _my _arms. I would never get over the fact that I was the one chosen to be in her life, that I was blessed enough that she would choose _me _as her best friend. She had fallen asleep in my arms almost every night of her life, yet never in the same light. I could not deny the absolute feeling of perfection in that moment. She would have probably thought I was some obsessed werewolf stalker if she had seen me last night_. _I remembered last night. I had heard her whisper my name in her sleep. Speaking in her sleep was a quirk she had inherited from her mother. I remembered the jolt that had shot through to my heart, causing me to freeze when she had spoken. _"Jake. Jacob…mm,… my…. my Jacob." _She had mumbled almost incoherently into my bicep. I had painfully halted that one from going straight to my ego – halted it from elevating my rebellious sense of hope. Ness dreamed about me all the time when she was little. I remembered being thrilled when she had showed me every morning what her dreams were about. That morning routine had died down as she grew older. I hadn't prompted for any explanation as why, because I knew she would want her privacy, becoming a young adult and all. Who wouldn't? Yet I couldn't help but wonder, If only I could know now, if her childhood dreams were still oriented around me being her brother, God, if only…

"Hah!" she scoffed, "As if _you_ would hurt _me._" And she sped into the forest, the competitiveness within her coming out to play. I growled playfully before I phased and darted into the forest after her. I didn't realize where she was headed until I caught onto the familiar scent of my house. The front door was left hanging open which meant she was probably inside. I trotted over behind a bush to phase back, which was when I realized I had phased without undressing down at the beach. I dug around in the foliage for a pair of shorts I knew would be there from the many I had stashed in a couple of bushes around here in case of emergencies like this.

I knew she would try to pull one on me again. She was forever trying to scare me. But not once has she come to frighten me. It was probably because her heartbeat was the only thing I ever _really_ focused on. Even if everything was crossing my mind at once, even if I would think there was no room for anything more to occupy my mind, her heartbeat would still be playing in my head, my own personal life monitor. Her life was my life. If there was one moment that I couldn't hear her heartbeat, if it was sure that hers wasn't beating, there would be no doubt as to how my heart would fair then. I was surprised by the overwhelming sense of pain that accompanied the thought. I disposed of the hideous impossibility. I would _always _be there to protect her. Always.

"_Just once",_ she had promised me a while ago, "_I'm going to get you one day, Jacob Black. You'll see."  
"Am, I, a werewolf, being threatened by a five-foot half human?" _fake astonishment colouring my tone_.  
"You better believe it, Pup!"_

I heard her heart fluttering from behind the door. I would always play along and pretend like I couldn't hear her. I was pretty sure she had caught on – she knew I knew. But we were and forever would be little kids - We played along with the others game.

"BOO!" and she was on my back. My lungs were surprised by my sharp intake of breath. Not because I was scared, or wasn't expecting the attack. No. The thing that shocked me was how she was perched on my back, with her arms wrapped around my neck. The way the spark spread through my nerves faster than I could blink an eye, causing every nerve in my body to become high-wired. It was the way it seemed so easy for her to throw herself onto me. She made it seem so casual. I hadn't been this… _close _to her since I had realized that I was in love with her. Bringing the memory to the forefront of my mind wasn't helping my reaction to the way her body was positioned on mine. The reaction my body had to the gesture caught me completely off guard. I froze – I wasn't used to this, this _feeling._

I felt Nessie's body stiffen on my back in accordance to my reaction, and instantly found myself hoping there was a possibility that she could be feeling the same thing. I quickly vanished the idea from my mind, knowing she was probably reacting to the abrupt stillness of my body.

It was quiet. All I could hear was the loud thud of my heart in my ears, beside Nessie's usual flutter of a heartbeat. Our heavy breaths mingled, almost awkwardly at the silence.

I felt her hair tickle my neck as she leaned down beside my ear.

"Gotcha," she giggled, in a silent pant, and leapt off my back just before I could snatch her in my arms. I didn't realize I had been holding my breath.

"You didn't _scare _me, Ness." I corrected, no, she hadn't scared me, or frightened me. I didn't know what she _did, _and I didn't know how she did it. Yet I was sure she was the only one who could cause me to feel that way.

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I totally believe you," she sighed almost bored, in a way that said, _don't try to argue me on this, Jake. You know you're now gunna win._

"Fine. One point for Ness." I settled, defeated. I wasn't about to argue her on her victory, being forced to explain for my strange reaction. I flopped on the couch beside her.

"See? I told you I'd get you someday," the victory in her voice almost boastful.

"Don't worry, I'll get you back."

"Oh really?" she taunted.

"Really," I promised slowly. "When you're … least… expecting it!" in a flash, my hands were on her sides, tickling surreptitiously, as I used to do when she was a kid.

"Jake!" she gasped, laughing so hard that she wasn't breathing properly. I felt my grin respond to her constant laughter.

"S-Stop!" she gasped, "PL-HEASE!" she laughed, rolling off the couch, onto the floor in her spasms of laughter. I stopped, but pinned her hands above her head, and positioned my body over hers, preparing to tickle her one handedly.

But then I really stopped. Her warm mahogany hair fanned out across the floor, she was breathing heavily, the scent of her wafting into my face, intoxicating me. I couldn't find my sense of reason. It was washed away with the glorious scent of honey and lilac. Her warm ivory cheeks were glowing, flushed lightly pink – a pale blush over soft, delicate porcelain. Her chocolate brown eyes were glowing, as if the chocolate had melted. Her eyes always glowed this way when she laughed.

And her lips, oh _God._ I knew I shouldn't have looked, but I couldn't help myself. She was so beautiful – _too _beautiful. Her lips, soft, plump pink, parted slightly in a soft-hearted smile. So inviting. So irresistible.

Our heavy breaths and racing heartbeats were the only sound in the room. Her gaze locked mine. It was as if her eyes were _begging _me to lean in closer like I was already dying to do. Her eyes were dangerous. I could feel my will power crumbling.

I could imagine how easy it would be to lean closer. I held my weight up with my hands on either side of her head – effortless. But I had never felt so heavy. The pressure of wanting – _needing _to be closer was killing me. I leaned in slightly nearer, my will power dissolving with each millimeter that I lost between our faces. I let my eyes fall shut. Looking into her eyes would not help my attempt to stay away. I wasn't sure anything could tear me away from her at this moment.

I felt my forehead touch hers. I didn't have to open my eyes to know how close our mouths were. I could _taste_ her breath on my tongue. Her scent filled my lungs, all my sense of reason was blurring, hazing, scattering. I wouldn't be surprised if I never saw it again. I opened my eyes to find hers closed. I noticed a little crease of frustration between her brows. That little shred of reason found its way through the haze. I inhaled a sharp breath to try to clear my thoughts, which was exactly the wrong thing to do, considering I was once again filling my lungs with her scent. I lifted my head slowly, painfully, and pressed my lips to her forehead, forcing myself to lift my body off of hers. How stupid could I be? I felt like kicking myself. She was obviously uncomfortable with the closeness of our bodies.

I held a hand out, to help her up. I knew she didn't need it, but she took it. I collapsed on the couch, refusing to meet her eyes.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

She collapsed on the couch close beside me. "Why?" the sincere curiosity in her voice caught me off guard. What did she mean _why?_ Wasn't it obvious?

"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." I looked at her then, meeting her warm gaze. Her cheeks warmed, and she looked away, breaking our gaze. She was blushing. Why?

"You… you didn't make me uncomfortable, Jake." She said as if she was fighting the urge to whisper the words.

"Oh." I said stupidly. Nice, very smooth. "So… so you uh, wanna get something to eat?"

She laughed when my stomach growled "Sure, you wanna head back to the main house? They always have food there. Plus, I need to change, and so do you." She said glancing at my naked torso.

The house would be a good idea. I didn't think I would be able to watch her hunt without drooling. I could imagine how she would pounce gracefully at her prey. The way her lips would lock around its neck. No. I wouldn't be able to merely stay put and watch. I wasn't strong enough for that yet.

"Sure, sounds good." I grinned, and gestured for her to lead the way out. She didn't budge. I looked to find her eyes locked on my chest. My grin grew. I couldn't stop that one from adding to my ego.

"Ness?" Nothing. "Ness? You uh.. you wanna go?" Nothing. "Ness?" I laughed.

"Huh? Yeah?" she muttered, finally snapping out of her gaze.

"Are you having fun staring at my abs?" I teased.

"What! I wasn't staring!" her face flushed scarlet.

"Yup, that must be why you're face just turned ten shades of red," I burst into laughter when I saw her expression

"Ugh! Jake! You're so stupid sometimes!" she groaned and stomped out of my door.

I laughed, "Ness, wait!" I grabbed her arm, she spun around to face me.

"What." She grumbled, staring at my chest refusing to meet my eyes. She was so adorable when she was angry. Her lower lip jutted out slightly.

"I'm sorry," I chuckled, tilting her chin up to meet my eyes. "Really." She analyzed my gaze for a long moment.

"Fine," she muttered.

"That's my girl," I chuckled, wrapping my arms around her, I hugged her close to my chest.

._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._.

"So what d'you wanna do today, Ness?" I asked as I flopped on the couch, full from the three course breakfast I had just devoured. If you had eaten food cooked by a vampire, you would have no idea that vampires didn't eat.

"Uhmm, we can swim, hunt, shop, cook, run, play checkers. We can do anything, Jake. You choose." She suggested, flopping on the couch beside me.

"Shop!" Alice shouted from the kitchen.

"Not a chance!" I called back, chuckling.

"I think I know what Jacob wants to do," Emmett interjected, teasing us from across the room. Wait. Teasing? What could he possibly be teasing about?

"What?" Ness asked her uncle, half playing along with his joke, half wanting to figure out what the punch line was.

"Well, Ness, your werewolf friend over here-" Edward flashed across the room all the way from the stairs. He had his brother in a headlock within half a second. Ness and I watched wide-eyed from the couch.

"Sorry honey," Edward nodded and smiled at his daughter. "Your uncle and I have some… unresolved business to attend to." He said as he hauled his brother out the back doors, still holding him in a headlock. "Try anything like that ever again and loose an ear." We heard Edward mutter his threat to his favourite brother while he hauled him out.

I looked at Ness.

"What was that about?"

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	9. Impolite

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**Yes - it has been a century, 2 hours, 4 minutes, and 22 seconds since I've updated... Sorry! In my defence, exams are very soon, it's CHRISTMAS break, and this chapter is the LONGEST SO FAR! WOO! I hope it makes up for the time I took :$ PLease always know that even if i take a century, 2 hours, 4 minutes, and 22 seconds to update, I WILL NOT FORGET ABOUT THIS STORY! :D I know - i hate it when you read a fic, and the author just leaves the story in progress and never ever updates. It's a real downer. So please forgive my laziness. I really do hope the length makes up for it:) **

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**CHAPTER 9 - Impolite **

**NPOV**

"What was that about_?" _I asked, as I strained to hear anything else that could tip me off.

I watched Jacob's face as he deliberated on the situation. The confusion in his eyes mirrored mine, then in an instant, realization snapped across his face, followed by frustration and anger – two emotions foreign to Jacob's constant sunny expression. I didn't like the way they looked there. These emotions were not welcome to his face. I wanted to wipe his expression clean, and watch as his smile would grow where it belonged. I wanted to smooth out the crease between his brows that signified his unhappiness.

He pointlessly tried to rearrange his expression to one of confusion again. I didn't understand why he did this. I knew him better than he knew himself. "I don't know," he responded a little too enthusiastically, trying a bit too hard not to sound mad.

"Sure you don't," I muttered, not sure if he heard me, and quite frustrated with his silence.

The pleading in his eyes made me drop the topic. Fine. I didn't have to know _now._ I could always bring it up later.

"So, Jake, what _are_ we doing today? Because Uncle Emmett knows what you wanna do, but since he was ever so kindly interrupted, it's up to us." I smiled at him. I watched as his cheeks tint pink under the warm russet colour I loved so much. What did I say that could possibly have him blushing?

"You know I'll do anything you wanna do." He offered, which really annoyed me. Why couldn't he choose for once? Why did he have to be so hopelessly selfless?

"As generous as that offer is, could you just _please _choose today? I think we've done every single activity that has ever crossed my mind. If I try to think of one more thing to do to occupy a whole day, I'm going to suffer from a severe brain fart and you are going to have to rush me to the hospital. "

"Haha. Very funny," he snorted, chuckling at my lame attempt to be humorous.

"Sorry guys, your plans are going to have to wait until later today," Aunt Alice interrupted as she entered the room, her silver ballet flats padding silently away as she made her way over to the living room coffee table. "I just saw that Edward, Bella, Jasper and I, _and_ you two are going to be taking Charlie out to _La Premiere Amour_." She explained, flipping through a few fashion magazines, critically examining each page for a millionth of a second with narrowed eyes.

"Your Grandpa Charlie's been calling non-stop about never seeing us anymore," Mom explained as she and dad walked in the room, hands entwined, swinging between them. They were glowing, I recognized the spark in Dad's eye – they had just been out for a run. There were only two things in the world that could make my dad glow with that much excitement – running, and my mom. I guess running _with_ my mom just doubled it for him.

"Three things." Dad corrected my thought, still grinning. "Don't forget yourself, Renesmee." He winked at me playfully, and I giggled. It was great to see him so happy. I saw Jake raise an eyebrow at Mom questioningly. Mom shrugged – Dad and I always shared these silent exchanges, the just of the conversation spoken left those around constantly confused, and annoyed. Frustrated questionings had died down in this house. Everyone just gave up trying to figure out what mental conversations we were having.

"Sounds fun," I agreed. "We haven't seen him for a while." I responded to mom's warm smile with a bright one of my own.

"Aunt Alice?" I asked as she flipped violently through her fashion magazines. "Dress code?"

"Semi-formal." She muttered, entranced in finding whatever it was she was looking for in her magazines. I smiled. At least one of the million dresses Alice had bought me would go to good use.

"What!" Mom shouted, her happy mood instantly fading. "I thought it was casual!"

"Bella, what do you think of this dress?" Alice asked, ignoring mom's complaints as usual.

Mom sauntered over to glance at the magazine Alice had laying open on the coffee table.

"It looks short, tight, uncomfortable and hard to sit in." Mom stated stubbornly.

"Great, because you're wearing it today." Alice decided, not hearing a word Mom said.

"Can't we just go to Burger King? You know, like jeans and a T-shirt?" She continued when Alice ignored her. "Al_ice_." Mom whined like a three year old child. Dad chuckled at her – she slapped him in the arm.

I laughed when he winced theatrically. "Bella, Jasper and I are treating Charlie to lunch. What kind of impression would we set if we took him to _Burger King?_" She said the name with disgust clear on her tongue. "Quit your complaining. It's not very ladylike. You know by the time we leave, you will be in the dress anyway." My aunt was nothing if not sure of herself. Mom continued to shamelessly pour out her useless excuses and complaints anyways.

Dad winked and smiled at me – he had a plan. I smiled back. Dad decided to snake his arm around her waist and pull her in front of him, resting his chin on her shoulder from behind. He hugged her torso to him. I saw the corner of his mouth twitch up, fighting a smile. He moved her hair away before kissing her jaw lightly. Moms continuous complaints halted suddenly, I saw her body become rigid – we all heard her breath hitch.

I bit my lip to fight the laugh that could possibly ruin this for Dad. I watched Alice with my chin resting on the couch, observing his cunningness in the corner of my eye. Dad was nothing if not smart. He knew how to work my mom, his plan was clear to me now. He continued to press light kisses up her jaw until he reached her ear.

"You know I would just _love_ to see you in that dress." He whispered, his voice hoarse and seductive in her ear while he caressed her arm lightly, still pressing light kisses along her jaw. Mom closed her eyes and sighed.

"Where's the stupid dress," she muttered, defeated to Alice. The grin Dad had been fighting broke its way across his face instantly. Alice squealed in delight and hauled mom upstairs. The laugh I had been fighting bubbled through my lips. I had to give dad some credit – he was smooth.

He walked over to the couch offering me a high-five. I slapped my hand to his extended one. "Nice," I complemented. Jake chuckled beside me.

"Thanks, love." He grinned. "You guys better get dressed. We're leaving at two." And he flashed over to the piano testing out a few keys before he began playing and composing, letting the quiet melodies drift through the house in a soothing manner.

"Okay," I smiled. I fled up to my room, and straight into my walk-in closet. I stood in front of the east wall of my closet, scanning through colours and lengths, racking through all the "Alice" knowledge I had stored somewhere stuffed away in the far corners of my brain. A navy blue number caught my eye. I pulled it out – blue and strapless, sweet heart neckline, fitted, length – about mid-thigh. I was suddenly excited to try it on.

Slipping it on, and applying the simple accents to my eyes that Alice taught me, I looked at myself in the mirror. A quiet gasp escaped me. I looked so more grown up than I was used to. My long ringlets cascaded off my right shoulder, the dark dress hugged me in all the right places, extenuating. I found myself silently hoping it wasn't too much. I knew Jake never cared how I dressed, but he wasn't used to seeing me this way. No matter the outcome – a family afternoon out would be fun.

It wasn't every day I went out to the "real world" as I liked to think of it. It wasn't an optimal place to spend time for me. I liked the woods, here with my family, and the pack. It was like my reality-fantasy world. So magical -Forks was great to me, at least the part of it that I lived in. Everything was green, and full of life that human eyes couldn't see. Any sunny day in Forks was twice as vibrant here in the Olympic Mountains. The part that became my home was never visited by humans – too far, the terrain was too difficult to cover, bears, mountain lions, etcetera. The thought of such things even being reasons of hesitation for my family was laughable. The distance that the Olympic Mountains sprawled across was great for a run. We could run for a reasonable amount of time before hitting Canada. Rugged terrain was the best part of the run – jumping over rivers, rebounding off of trees, rocks, and mountain faces was part of the thrill, and handy to loose Uncle Emmett with whenever we played tag. No matter the age limit on a game, Emmett was in for any challenge. And if we ran into a bear or a mountain lion, it would be a lucky day – a snack for the trip. The thought made me remember just how screwed up my family was. We were such freaks. Yet amongst my life time, even to this day I could never find it in me to be anything but proud and contented with our abnormalities. I loved my family, and my life. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Sniffing around my closet – a skill I learned from my dad – I let my nose lead me to a drawer hidden drawer behind endless racks of clothing. Denim held its own familiar scent. The drawer was loaded with Jake-clothes. Extra pairs of cut-offs, T-shirts, and some clothes that were actually not ripped or oil stained. I grabbed a pair of faded jeans that weren't ripped, and a black button down shirt - Obviously the works of Aunt Alice. She had loaded the drawer with new clothes that mostly Jake would never wear, but it came in handy when Jake would accidentally explode without undressing, or when we were going out in public – not that I cared too much about what people thought. It's just that Aunt Alice would shoot him if he stepped out the door with me, expecting to go out in public with me wearing cut-offs and a T. And I had to admit to myself shamefully – It would irritate me greatly if I had to go out with a half-naked Jacob. Some lives could be at risk. I wouldn't think I could withstand ripping a head off if I would catch any girls staring at him, in his russet glory. Though I knew I shouldn't care – I didn't own him – I still knew I _did_ care. I cared much, much more than what was healthy for a person.

I grabbed the jeans and the shirt and fled to the stair banister, dropping the clothing off the edge of the edge, knowing he would catch them.

"Change," I ordered. Before I grabbed a pair of black strappy stilettos, and sped to my room, brushing my long ringlets quickly, yet thoroughly.

"Ready, Ness?" Alice asked walking into the room, leaning against my door frame, gorgeous in her sea green tube dress. She paused when she saw me. "My, my." She whispered

"What?" I asked smiling.

"My little niece isn't so little anymore. And to think you made this outfit without my help…"

I laughed. "I love you too, Alice." I assured before I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around her petit figure. Her familiar cold embrace returned the hug. "And I'm sure Jacob will like it too."

That caught me off guard. "W-what! I mean…w-what do you mean?" the words stumbling out of my mouth. I felt my body go rigid. Alice pulled back and held my shoulders, keeping me at arm's length. Her perfect little brow rose questioningly. I felt my cheeks blush crimson. Great.

"Jasper told me he's been feeling … different… things around you guys." She explained matter-of-factly. I frowned. I had forgotten about Jasper's ability. It seemed insignificant to my dad's ability. But if Jasper knew, then my Dad could know… damn, please no. I couldn't help the blush that glowed in my cheeks then. So Jasper and Alice knew.

"Please don't tell anyone," I pleaded. "Especially Dad. Oh my. Dad would freak – and Jake. If _he _found out. He'd be disgusted." I hung my head in hopelessness.

"Woah, woah, woah. Relax there cutie, tell me what's really going on." She assured as she tugged my arm, hauling me into my room, and gestured for us to sit on the edge of my bed.

"Talk." She commanded.

I sighed.

"I-I don't know what's happening. Everything just changed. One second Jake's like my brother, my best friend, and the next…" I trailed off. "I can't even find the right words to put into sentences when he's near me. I can barely breathe when he stands anywhere within ten feet. If he touches me in the slightest way, even if he brushes his hand with mine, it's like my legs are gunna give in beneath me. Oh, God." I hung my head in my hands. I lifted my head and placed a hand on my aunt's cheek. I showed her flashes of how my nerves reacted to his touch, his scent, even the mere _sight_ of him. Her eyes glazed over, when she regained her focus she smiled at me.

"That's some potent stuff." She stated, her nose wrinkling in disgust.

"Alice!"

She sighed, and smiled at me half-heartedly. "Listen, Ness. If you're feeling _this,_ I would bet all my shoes that he's feeling a little something too."

"_All_ your shoes?" I laughed.

"Oh fine, I'd bet seventy pairs." She chimed.

I laughed. "Thanks, Alice."

"Anytime, Nessie."

And with that, we walked downstairs. "The guys are all outside. I just have to make sure your mom didn't shred the silver stilettos I all but had to nail to her feet. You go on ahead; we'll meet you guys at the restaurant."

I laughed, and strolled out the door, grabbing my aunt's black clutch off the door-side table, knowing she wouldn't mind if I borrowed it. I closed the door behind me, and turned to see Jake leaning against his Vanquish. I smiled at him, but he didn't smile back. His eyes had not yet met mine. I saw his eyes widen to the point I was worried they might pop out of his head, while they raked over my outfit, leaving me feeling very exposed. I mentally cursed at the blush that dared to redden my cheeks. I took the split second to examine his attire for this late afternoon. The black button-down dress shirt hugged his broad chest. I wasn't sure if I should have been happy for the sight or terribly annoyed at the future distraction. He left his shirt un-tucked, the hem of the shirt teasingly covering the low rise of his Levis. I sighed while a walked over to the car. It was then that he finally looked at my face. His eyes still wide, he sucked in a sharp breath.

"You look great," he said almost strained. Jeez I was right – this was too different to wear.

"You too," I said stepping in the car door he held open for me.

._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._.

The car ride there was strange and slightly annoying. Jacob didn't look at me through the whole trip. It seemed like he wanted to, but every time I thought he would turn his head to face me, he would freeze, take a deep breath and look straight ahead again. What was wrong with him? Did I look _that _bad? I didn't think I looked bad… Alice said she loved it. Maybe it was just too different. Maybe he just thought it looked bad on _me_. I was pleased with my appearance today. I thought I looked grown up. I was finally fully grown. I found a part of me wishing that would be the way people – my family – would see me as. A grown up, instead of frozen in time as a "child". Maybe then, I would receive a little more freedom from my father. Maybe then _he _would see me as the adult I felt I was morphing into. Whenever I had asked Jake's opinion on my attire in the past, he would say "natural" was his favourite. This was far from natural. Man, I screwed up bad…

We arrived at the restaurant within half an hour because of my family with their fancy cars and the speed-limit-is-for-humans deal.

Jake and I both stepped out of the car, I attempted to smile at him, but he _still _wasn't looking at me.

"Jake, wait." I demanded. He halted and turned, his eyes still wandering. Oh that did it. "Jacob! What the heck! Why won't you look at me? What's wrong? Do I look _that_ bad?"

That seemed to strike a chord. His eyes finally snapped to meet my gaze.

"What? N-no, Ness please – y-you look amazing… th-that's the problem –"

"Nessie!" Grandpa called, waving his arm in the air, motioning us over to join the rest of the family.

I touched Jacob's arm. _You're explaining this later,_ I promised him. I felt more than heard him sigh in defeat.

"Grandpa!" I squealed in excitement as I ran over to hug him.

"Boy, look how big you've gotten." He whispered.

"Dad, why don't we go get a table, hm?" Mom offered, wearing her baby blue strapless dress and the silver stilettoes Alice told me about. The blue contrasted amazingly with her pale skin tone, and I knew for a fact that it was Dad's favourite on her.

"We have reservations under Cullen," Alice notified mom. Mom would never get used to our family and their extremely high standards. Alice refused to "dine" anywhere without reservation… she also refused to allow me to buy any article of clothing that was less than fifty dollars…

Jasper, Mom, Dad, Charlie and Jacob, lead the way into the restaurant while Alice and I trailed behind.

"What was that about?" she whispered to me while we walked, so low that only I could hear.

"I-I don't know," I answered honestly. Nothing more could be said once we entered the restaurant.

Fancy – was the first word that came to mind. It was so dark in there, that they might as well not have any lights, though that disrupted my vision no more than clear daylight would. The layout of the restaurant was different; the tables were set up as dining areas and lounges. I guess that was good – that way it would look okay if my family was only talking and not eating… or drinking for that matter.

The waitress who looked like she was in her twenties – introduced herself in with the usual 'I'll be your server for today'. Like most humans, this waitress gawked at my family because of their utter inhuman beauty, but unlike most humans, she stared shamelessly, rudely, not bothering to look away. Then her eyes found Jake standing beside me with all his distracting-ness and un-tucked dress shirt and low-rise Levis. Sigh. The low lighting – which made him seem so much more dark and alluring – wasn't helping my situation.

The girl glued her eyes to him, her eyes raked over his stature shamelessly – a devilish smile playing at the corner of her mouth.

A low, hushed growl escaped my chest. So low that only my family could hear. The rage that drafted over me then surprised me. Since when did I growl at anyone? I immediately tried calming myself –notably failing at that goal - when I noticed the questioning stares from my family. Damn, I'd have to explain for this later.

She gestured for us to follow her to our table. Trailing behind the desperate young waitress, I realized how tight her clothes fitted her. I found this disgusting. But I guess men found it attractive. She wasn't overweight or too skinny, I noticed – she had a nice body structure for a woman her age. I frowned. Would Jacob notice this? Would it _appeal_ to him? The thought made me want to gag and run out of the room.

Her horribly damaged extensions swung irritatingly in front of us as we followed. I felt like a masochist -thinking of the ways I could inflict pain on the plastic waitress.

I felt a thick hot arm slide around my waist, and pull me nearer, I gasped quietly when my stomach convulsed in response.

His hot breath wafting over my neck sent shivers down my spine when he leaned down to whisper in my ear. "You okay?" he whispered, pressing me against his side, spreading tingles through my belly.

No. No I wasn't _okay._ How was it that one minute I was drowning in pure, undiluted rage, the next in disgust, horror and annoyance but with one brush of his hand, I was literally swooning, seconds away from passing out because of how the scent of him made me. And he was completely oblivious to the reactions he was pulling out of me.

I pressed a hand to his shoulder. …_yeah…_ I responded, then removed my palm quick enough so that he couldn't catch my train of thought. I glanced at Jacob from the corner of my eye, and noticed his eyes were on me – brimming with worry and concern. Jacob – always worrying about me. I guess I was quite flattered at his concern. I should be, if I hadn't lived with the annoying trait my whole life. When I was little and having an off day, he actually worried about me more than Rose or Alice or Mom. It became the most irritating thing. But I took sanctuary in it right now.

I also took unnecessary relief at the fact that his eyes were busy worrying about me rather than on her. But I knew Jacob would take no interest – I knew him better than I knew myself; he wouldn't even take time to think twice about the plastic waitress… I was pretty sure, at least. It was always possible that he could find her attractive. Well she w_as _around his age. Much more mature then I appeared to be. Compared to her, I appeared a child. Compared to Jacob I appeared I child. The thought left me disgruntled. Is that all Jacob would ever see me as? A child? A baby sister? I wanted to burst into tears thinking about the future, if that was all we would ever be. Would he choose someone else to be with? Someone who was his age? Someone he thought could love him like he never thought I could

"Here you are," she gestured to the table that was nestled in the corner of the restaurant; I scooted into the booth side, pulling him with me. To my gratification - the waitress disappeared into the kitchen. I used my extra hearing to listen in in the direction of the kitchen.

"…_Did you see that hot native one? I like me some men off the res." _I recognized to be _her_ voice.

_Giggles_

"_Did you see that redhead he was with? I really doubt they're together. She looks about half his age!" _Another voice said. That one stung. Would it look wrong if I were to be with Jacob? Not that I cared what others would think, but would _he_ think it would be wrong? Because he felt I was too young?

The rest of the statements were more and more shallow then I thought they would be; about Jacob's appearance - And more and more revolting for that matter. Her statements were coated by more giggles and sounds of agreement. I cut off my hearing at that point. I wanted to laugh at her stupid terminology. Thinking of all the things she had called Jacob - supposedly being complements - disgusted. Yes, Jacob was abnormally, irresistibly, and overwhelmingly muscular. Anyone couldn't help but notice that. But he was not stupid. He was not some pig-brained hormone driven male. He was kind and generous, and the gentlest person I knew. He was the definition of every word I knew that described something amazing. I hated that they objectified him as if he was nothing more than a toy.

"So how's school, kiddo?" Charlie asked me, snapping me out of my little angry bubble, having to call a little louder, since he was all the way across the table. He didn't know that he could have whispered and I still would've heard him. My mom looked at me with worried eyes because of the hesitation I had in answering. My thoughts were so jumbled; I was usually so on top of things. My mother's worried glance reminded me that I had totally forgotten about my family witnessing my strange reactions… and then I realized that wasn't all some of my other family members had witnessed.

Oh crap. Dad. Jasper.

_Dad… I'm sorry. I know you're probably pissed… I guess I'll explain later. _

Then I realized I hadn't actually been paying attention to managing my thoughts around my dad lately because these thoughts were terribly unmanageable. I was around Jacob 24/7. How the hell was I supposed to manage _all _these thoughts?

Sigh.

_..Uh… never mind, I guess you pretty much know the just of it. _

I saw dad grin, then press his mouth into a hard line to restrain himself from chuckling during the conversation he was having with Mom that was probably not funny. My family was forever taking laughter at my embarrassment. Then he grimaced disapprovingly as he probably thought about the situation more deeply.

Yes. Dad had had caught a great deal more, much more than the just of it. I felt the familiar blush in my cheeks. This whole time my thoughts hadn't been safe. Great. I was in for it when we got home. I sighed. No – I wouldn't be getting dad's approval on this one.

_On this what?_A little voice in my head asked. It was right. On what? Approval for my drastic change in emotions? In feelings for Jacob? It was surly something that was way beyond my control. I would have to talk to Carlisle about all these strange emotions and reactions. As thoroughly educated I was – It was all mostly book smarts. I had never experienced anything like this. But Dad didn't have to worry though – It's not like anything would ever change between Jacob and I.

"Kiddo?" I heard Charlie call out again. Right. Answer the question.

I was home schooled by most of the people in my family. The truth was, I finished the high school curriculum a year and a half ago. My body was not the only thing that grew in an accelerated pace. "It's going good, Grandpa. I'm almost finished." I lied, hating having to.

"Oh right, you're in that accelerated program for those really smart people." Grandpa grinned. The fact seemed like one he would boast about to his friends at the station. I just smiled at him. Charlie's hair had started to grey over the years, his voice becoming slightly scratchier with every year gone by. It was saddening having to watch the people I loved age, while we remained perfectly young. It troubled me more, knowing that I would have to watch some of the people I loved pass.

I passed the last pleather clad menu to Jacob, and opened my own, not really reading anything, but looking at the pictures on the side first, like I usually did.

"What are you gunna get?" I asked, nudging him in the shoulder, though I knew already what his choice would be.

"Steak." He replied immediately confirming the fact that I knew him so well.

I laughed. "Of course."

He elbowed me in the shoulder playfully, not being able to reach my ribs because he was so freakishly tall. "How 'bout you?" he asked

"Umm…I think I'll get the ravioli," I said, pointing at the unappetizing looking picture on my menu. Human food still wasn't optimal, but the more I ate it the more accustomed I was becoming to its bland taste. Jacob's consistently huge appetite for anything edible was rubbing off on me.

"That doesn't look very filling."

"Says the guy with four stomachs."

"Hey now, only cows have four stomachs. I am a _wolf. _Not a _cow._"

"Really? I couldn't tell the difference" I joked.

"Ouch. That one stung," he mock winced.

"You're such a dork," I laughed and nudged him with my shoulder. At this point, all my spirits had lightened. I couldn't even remember what those horrid emotions had felt like. He took them all away without even knowing he did. That was until the waitress returned to take our drink orders. Just as I expected, she turned to Jake first. I tried my very best not to role my eyes and failed. I saw her scowl briefly but noticeably in my direction. I just smiled at her confidently, causing her scowl to deepen and hopefully piss her off more. This was unlike me. I was never so impolite to people. But I couldn't really find enough reason to be polite to her to make myself want to straighten up.

"Can I get you something to drink, hotstu-I mean, sir." She asked irritatingly, batting her mascara gunked lashes. She might as well have dunked her lashes in tar.

Jacob's eye brows knitted together, then smoothed out. "I'll have a Coke and a Pepsi" he said politely. I raised a brow at him.

"The Pepsi's yours." He explained. "I knew you were going to order it anyway - am I right?"

I smiled thoughtfully. He was right. I didn't like pop very much. But if I were to have it, it would be Pepsi. Coke never appealed to me for some reason. Though most every human wouldn't agree – I found the taste between Pepsi and Coke very distinct. I had never mentioned my preference for Pepsi to anyone, including Jacob. It was just a stupid little quirk to me. I guess it was something he picked up through his years of knowing me. My smile grew. I nodded enthusiastically. He grinned, flashing his perfect white teeth. I was truly thankful that I was sitting down, because I felt my legs going numb.

The waitress, scribbled the orders down on her paper, and turned to face me unwillingly with that familiar artificial smile plastered on her face.

"And you?"

"He ordered for me, thanks." I said, smiling genuinely. I found pleasure in thinking that I probably ticked her off a teensy bit more. I heard my dad clear his throat from the otherside of the table. I turned to look at him, knowing he either needed to get a message across, or was putting an extra effort in to appear human.

From the disapproving set of his mouth, I knew he was not pleased. I sighed. Yes – being polite was a must in my family. And I usually was polite – the only person I wasn't very polite to was Uncle Emmett; and that was because of his constant teasing. Dad found that reason justifiable for my actions. He was right though. This was not reasonably justified. I shouldn't lose myself over this stupid girl. She wasn't worth it.

_Fine Dad, … sorry._

_._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._.

The rest of the afternoon was spent struggling to remain polite to the evil waitress. I thought I did pretty well, considering the mental battle in my brain between the infuriated side of me and the polite side of me. It was self-proven that it is nearly impossible to remain polite while one is furious.

I was beginning to get uncomfortable under Dad's constant glances in my direction while I walked by Jake to his car.

"Honey, why don't you ride with your mother and I?"

I sighed. This sounded like a we-need-to-speak-with-you-Renesmee-Carlie-Cullen stunt. I guess It'd be better to face hell now rather than later where Uncle Emmett would be in hearing range.

I looked at Jake. He smiled softly with knowing eyes. "Go ahead, you haven't spent time with your parents in a few days."

The awkward silence began as soon as I closed the door behind me.

I heard Dad sigh, agitated. "Renesmee, I want to start off by stating that I am not mad with your change In feelings for Jacob. I'm not overjoyed, as your mother is," he crinkled his nose "But I'll …endure whatever choice you make, if he is what truly brings you happiness."

Did dad just say he was _okay _with this? Did he just say _mom was overjoyed? _I gaped at them for about five seconds before I realized I was, and had time to recollect myself

"Dad, I-I… wait. Nothing's happening. Just because I feel … different, it doesn't mean anything is going to change. It doesn't mean he feels anything" It made me feel more hopeless stating this out loud. "I appreciate your… understanding though – and did you just say mom is overjoyed?"

"I'll explain my reasons some other day, honey." Mom said, turning over and smiling lightly at me, as we sped a million miles an hour down the highway.

Then I remembered something.

"Dad, what was Uncle Emmett talking about this morning? About knowing what Jake wanted to do for the day?"

Silence…

More silence…

Dad's mouth pressed into a hard line, and he ran his hand through his signature tousled bronze hair nervously.

"Love, if I tell you, you must promise to me you won't… over react…"

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**:)**

**Whad'ya think Edward has to say? ... :p**

**And what's up with Jacob not looking at Nessie?**

**please review! comments? random thoughts that passed through your head?**

**Am i keeping the characters _them?_ please, constructive critisism is always great. Thanks to those of you who are constantly reviewing! I love you! **

**Merry CHRISTmas, n HaPpY NeW YeAr! **

**Best of love,**

**xoxo**

**SoulDeepLove**


	10. Teardrops

**Hey guys so it's been a while...hehe sorry:)**

**I really love this chapter and I hope you do too - It's a deeper look into all the internal mayhem...**

**I just want to ask a little favour before you read on:**

**While reading, just... understand where Ness is coming from, feel for her. She's just going through soo much - and if you were looking in from the outside you'd probably be like wtf? But when you're feeling what she is _with _her, it's different. So please just remember that while reading :)**

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**CHAPTER 10 - Teardrops**

**NPOV**

"I promise, Dad, what is it?" I pushed

"Well," he began nervously, " You know your Uncle Emmett – always teasing people. I believe he was planning on teasing you, and your uhm, change of feelings for…Jacob." I gaped at him.

Uncle Emmett was always teasing the couples in our families about their … relationships. To be completely blunt, Uncle Emmett was just constantly pulling sex jokes, relationship jokes, and etcetera. Any other form of teasing that he could find… he would take it out on us.

Wait a second.

"He _knows?" _I almost screeched.

"I didn't tell him, love, I swear! I only told your mother once I started hearing things from J- You!"

"Then how?"

"I believe your Aunt Alice knows, because of Jasper, am I correct? Your Aunt is horrid at keeping secrets as you should know. Perhaps it slipped out while she was talking to Rose."

I gaped, horrified.

Oh. My.

Was he serious? My _whole family_ knew, except for Grandma and Grandpa. Hell! They probably knew too! Why don't we just shout it out of a blow horn?

I barely understood these strange emotions and the familiar spark that had been coursing through my entire being quite frequently now. I began to welcome it, because that spark had accompanied such wonderful moments between Jake and I. Well, for me, so far Jake was totally clueless – It was funny to me how he would notice even the slightest changes in me every day weather emotional or physical and or anything else in between, yet what was the most prominent in my life, what should seem so obvious, he was totally and completely oblivious to. I knew I should be grateful for it – thinking of the look on his face if he found out – I don't know what I would do. I knew I was in love with him. Admitting it to myself made me more sure of the fact. But I didn't want my family to expect anything to change at all. I didn't want him to know.

"Dad, please, _please_ make sure Jacob doesn't find out." I begged him, my voice mirroring my emotions – desperate, hopeless.

"We'll do our best, Nessie." My mom promised. A smile played at the corner of my mom's lips… and, my dad's?

Did they find this _funny?_ Yes fate decides; "hey, let's flip Rensemee's life over, and jumble up everything she's ever known about her best friend. That should be completely fun and enjoyable for her." That's hilarious. Totally freeking hilarious .

I was so furious that I hadn't noticed we had parked in front of the house already. I sighed and let myself out of the car. Blowing up at my parents wasn't going to help anything. It wasn't their fault my life was… like _this_. As if I could even begin to describe _this._

I slouched into the house, only staring straight ahead as I made my way up the stairs and into my room. Throwing my clutch on the vanity table, and chucking my shoes blindly into the closet, I grabbed my giant teddy bear from the rocking chair, and collapsed on my bed – Hugging the teddy bear on top of me, squishing the soft plush to my face. I sighed, letting the sun flooding through my glass wall, warm my skin. I silently thanked Uncle Emmett for his gift. It was the most comforting thing I've experienced in a while.

What was happening? I couldn't categorize any of _this_ to anything. It was so confusing, and jumbled, and heart breaking, fury drawing, and joy bringing and energy draining. It was exhausting. But these, _feelings_ I've been having were wonderful. So wonderful.

I remembered that _moment_ over at Jacob's house this morning, when he had tickled me – it had felt like I was a little kid again, it was so care-free. That's what we were – care-free little kids, best friends messing around. Just being us. And then somehow he ended up on top of me, his face millimetres from mine. The sparkling in my nerves, and my heart, in my _soul_ had never been that strong, my heart was beating so fast it probably would've just sounded like an unbroken hum to human ears. I couldn't think, every thought I'd ever had, any memory I'd ever had, anything and _everything_ was _gone. _I wanted to break the distance between our faces. I wanted the few millimetres to disappear. But I couldn't. I couldn't do anything. I was frozen under the electricity that was gushing its way through my being. It was like all I knew was Jacob and the feeling pulsing through me. Like the only thing that existed on earth was Jacob and what I felt for him. It enveloped me, closing off anything that wasn't him. And I loved it.

But how was I going to put up with this insanity? I could only deal with it so long – living with Jacob, hugging Jacob, playing tag, swimming, just _being _with Jacob. I saw my future: the exact same thing as it was now. Wonderful, glorious, heart breaking, torture, confusion, desperation, anger, love, hate, adoration, jealousy, thankfulness. It would be Perfect, and it would be Horrible.

I felt something warm and wet slide down my cheek. My sniffle was followed by an overflow of tears – sad tears… happy tears. I didn't know why I was crying. I didn't know.

That was just it; I didn't know anything. I didn't know what was happening, I didn't know what I was feeling, I didn't know what I was going to do, what might happen, what might not happen, what I _should _feel and what I _shouldn't _feel.

Hell! I didn't know why my parents seemed so ecstatic with my wonderfully horrible epiphany. I didn't know _anything _at this moment. It was like someone had taken the vibrant _distinctive _threads of my life and mixed up all their colours – switching and screwing up everything I'd known about my existence.

There was only one sure thing in my whole life at this moment.

I was in love with Jacob.

Saying it to myself once more, brought on another bunch of tears to overflow. And I let them. What was the use in holding them back?

It seemed I had always wished for the impossible, with the superhuman imagination I'd had had as a child. Now I found myself in the same position – wishing for the sliver of a possibility that he might be able to feel something too – just wishing, hoping, for the impossible. Surly impossible.

I threw the thought away, dwelling on the hope was pointless. It would bring more pain because I was in love with him, and there was nothing I could do about it. I would forever remain his best friend, his little sister. Thinking about the future made life seem really long for once. Too long. Too much. Too much of all _this. _This feeling that I loved – that I hated.

Did I wish that I had never fallen in love with him? Did I wish I had never felt this? No. I didn't think so. It was the most exciting, thrilling most astonishing thing I had ever experienced in my whole existence. I loved it. It was torture. Glorious, hideous torture. I knew I loved it. I knew I hated it. I knew I loved him. That was all I knew. I knew nothing but loving Jacob. Loved him in the only way he could never love me in. Never. It seemed like the tears would never end.

"Ness?" a soft husky voice asked through my bedroom door.

I gasped, snapping upright to a sitting position. He couldn't see me like this.

"Are you okay? Can I come in?" his voice trying so hard to remain calm.

"I'm fine." I sniffled. Bad idea to talk – my voice thick was still thick with tears.

"Nessie, if you don't let me in, you know I'll just come in myself." He warned now, with the annoying authority only he had. As if he was going to wait politely for me to allow him in while he knew I was crying – the thought was almost laughable.

I groaned, collapsed back on the bed, and squished my teddy bear to my face. I was giving up, not resisting his threat to enter my room. Only he would know that this was like me saying _"Fine". _

Like was expected, the door clicked open, the opening door wafting his comforting _home_ scent into my room. I had to bite back a sigh. He said nothing. I heard soft footsteps, then the sinking of the bed as I felt presence of a huge heated figure lying beside me. I wanted so badly to throw the teddy bear away, and stuff my face in the nook between his shoulder and neck. To feel his heat hug me. To feel him kiss my hair, and hear him tell me he loved me. To feel that sense of stability, of strength and rightness, like it always did in his arms. But I didn't. He couldn't comfort me on this one. I could never tell him what was happening in my head. It would hurt too much. I felt another row of silent, uninvited tears soak into the teddy bear that was squished to my face. I felt my heart squeeze. Maybe once I figured this out, maybe once I built up the courage to tell him, built up the fake mask of calm to show to the rejection, then I could tell him. Then I could fake acceptance. Then I could climb to the tallest tree in the forest, and sit there. Let my grief take over for a bit.

I knew this wasn't me – who I was, wallowing in my own self-pity, my hopelessness, but I couldn't think right now. I was too exhausted to think about anything.

"Ness, can I take the teddy bear off your face now?" he asked softly, convincingly, so damn persuasive. Persuasive without knowing it. Like everything he asked me to do – persuasive. You'd be stupid to deny him what he asked. But I'd grown accustomed to it. Even though it was still hard to, I tried.

I shook my head into the soft plush.

He chuckled.

"_Please?"_

I sighed. Fine, to hell with it, he knew I was crying anyways. The teddy bear wasn't helping much. It just hid me from the humiliation of facing him with red, tear soaked eyes.

"Fine." I grumbled into the bear.

The bear was lifted off my face, forcing me to open my eyes. I squinted into the sunlight that spilled into my room, pooling on the floor. I felt the mattress move, and squeak under his weight as he shifted onto his side to face me.

I stayed though, on my back – staring at the ceiling, imagining patterns in the bumpy texture of it that weren't really there.

We were silent for a long moment.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" he asked softly.

Yes. Yes, I did want to tell him. I wanted to spill out all my frustrations and angers, and show him all my emotions and desires. Though I knew I would never do such a thing, I wanted to be as honest with him as I could for as long as I could. His question was specific – did I _want_ to tell him.

I closed my eyes and nodded to the ceiling.

He was silent as he deliberated my answer.

"_Will_ you tell me about it?" he asked again, tweaking his question.

"No, probably not." I whispered, glad my voice was returning to normal.

"Why?" he whispered, his voice worried, troubled. This was the first time I had denied to tell him anything.

"Because." I stated.

"Because why?"

"Be_cause." _

"Because _why?_"

"_Because._"

I turned my head on the pillow to look at him then, and low and behold, a brilliant smile cracked his worried façade. I couldn't help but grin back at him. I knew we were remembering the same thing;

When I was little, a few months after the Volturi had left; I had gotten my very first diary from Aunt Rose and Aunt Alice. I remembered that I had been so excited; it came with a lock and key and everything. It was the one place where my Dad couldn't read my thoughts, and where Uncle Jasper couldn't read my emotions. Not that I minded the lack of privacy at that age, but it was somewhere that _felt_ private, felt my own.

One night, Jake and I were going to have a sleepover in the guest room of our main house. I hadn't had my own room here yet. I remembered coming back to the guest room from the bathroom, and seeing Jacob lying on the bed flipping my diary in his large hands, playing with the little lock on the side. I had leapt across the room in a flash, snatching it from his grasp. I'd sat crossed-legged on the bed beside his massive figure.

"No." I'd directed him to leave my diary alone.

"Why?" he asked puzzled. My first thought had been to say because it's private. But honestly, everything I had written in there, I had told him. So I had settled with the childish reply.

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Be_cause."_

"Because _why?"_

"_Because."_

It was funny how much things could change over the course of five short years. I snorted at the memory, Jacob laughed, the sound of his laughter warming me, melting the mayhem of emotions. I laughed with him for a moment, turning my body over to face him, being careful to keep a safe distance between us. I didn't need the spark blurring my thoughts right this moment. I sighed as they came anyway.

I did want to tell him everything. I really did. But I couldn't. And the spark was spreading lightly, tingling under my skin. I couldn't think of a way out right then. So I tried the first thing that came to my mind. A diversion.

"Jacob, why wouldn't you look at me in the car today?" I asked him softly, truly curious. I still wanted to know whether I should dress so "grown up" or not. As if it would make any difference with the way he saw me – a child.

"I-uh" he began sheepishly, his russet skin tinting slightly pink. "I had to keep my eyes on the road." He lied, trying to pull off his "innocent" smile, which looked more like a kid-getting-caught-sneeking-cookies-out-of-the-cookie-jar-smile. Was he kidding me? Even he knew that was a bad try at lying to me. I guess neither of us could see it as 'him lying to me' because we both knew I could see right through it.

I said nothing, but raised one eyebrow slowly at him. He let go the breath he seemed to be holding, his face looking defeated, with a hint of at-least-I-tried.

"Fine." He began, not meeting my eyes, but instead seemed to be looking out my wall behind me. "I guess I wasn't used to seeing you that way." He said, so very quietly. I heard every word, though it seemed like he wished I hadn't.

"What way?" I asked quietly. I knew that look was too much.

"All… grown up and stuff I guess." His cheeks tinted darker.

"Was looking 'grown up' that bad? So bad that you couldn't look at me?" I asked, still confused. This didn't make any sense. I knew I looked more grown up. I'd just turned "grown up", hadn't I?

A crease formed between his brows. "No. No Ness, not bad. You were beautiful. You're always beautiful, it's just…" he groaned quietly in frustration, and turned over to lie on his back, wiping his hand over his face. He looked up at the ceiling as if it had the answer there.

But of course I blushed at this. He had always called me beautiful. Every day of my life. He never missed a day. I knew he didn't mean it in the way I would've … maybe liked him to, but at least he didn't think I was ugly. And he didn't think I was merely _pretty._ He'd said I was always _beautiful. _And he's seen me on every one of my bad days – sweats, an old Tee, hair pulled up in a messy lopsided pony tail, dark circles under my eyes. He'd seen it all, so I couldn't help that from making me feel better. He still thought I was beautiful, as a teenager, a woman. I tried to control my disobedient frantic heart. It just seems to pulse the spark through my body. Dang it.

I stayed silent, not wanting to push him too far.

"Ness, just please don't ever doubt how beautiful you are. _Please._ I would never not look at you because you're looking anything less than beautiful. If anything, it's the opposite…"

"Jacob, that doesn't make any sense, I-"

"Ness, can we talk about this another time? I promise I'll explain… later." He asked, cutting me off. I searched his eyes. They were warm, pleading, begging.

"Yeah, okay." I settled.

"Thank you." He whispered almost inaudibly.

A few moments passed in comfortable silence before he spoke again.

"So whad' your parents say?"

"What?" I asked, completely confused.

His eyebrows scrunched together as he turned his head to face me.

"Did your parents say something to make you upset?"

"No, why would you think that?" I asked, honestly puzzled.

"Because when you got home…" his brows stayed scrunched together, like he was trying to figure out a puzzle in his head. "'Cause when you got home… You were... I figured it might have been something your dad said in the car…" he trailed off.

I just looked at him. Hell, I'd set myself up for this one.

Then his eyes snapped open wide, "Ness, did your dad tell you something?" he asked urgently, propping himself up on his side with his elbow.

Yes. Dad had told me Uncle Emmett had wanted to tease us about our "romantic relationship". As if we had one. But I couldn't say that. I didn't know what he was talking about anyway.

It was my turn to scrunch my eyebrows. "No, Jacob, what are you getting at?"

"Oh. Uh, nothing,…" he said quickly. Too quickly. "I was just trying to figure out what could be bothering that gorgeous head of yours." He said, instantly relaxing, and grinning his lopsided smile.

"…Right…", I said carefully.

"So will you _please _tell me what's wrong? It kills me you know – seeing you so upset", he said quietly, seriously. I sighed. Honesty, Ness. Just because I was hopelessly in love with him, didn't mean I had to lie to him. I would remain truthful for as long as I could without giving anything away. I had never lied to Jacob. I didn't want to start.

I took a long deep breath. "I guess I'm just trying to figure out how I feel…" I tried. That sentence could have honestly ended in so many different ways.

…_About being irrevocably in love with you.  
…About how everything you do makes me feel like I'm going insane in the most fantastic way.  
…About knowing I can never pursue this feeling  
…About knowing you could never love me like this.  
…About how I love and hate my life.  
….About how even thinking about my future makes me exhausted, hopeless, like for the first time, being with you might be more than I can handle.  
…About how even though you've imprinted on me, you could still fall in love with someone else, some one more deserving than me, yet still not good enough to deserve of you. And I would let you go. Because she would bring you happiness in the way you never thought I could. And I would never be able to do anything about it because you'd be disgusted with me if you knew the truth. And I never want you to be disgusted with me because I would rather keep you with me like this, than not have you with me at all. And this is all because I love you, Jacob. I'm hopelessly, unconditionally, and indubitably in love with you. _

Yup. Subtle.

"About?" he prompted.

"About being fully grown I guess… about finally being frozen in time…" _frozen in time in love with you, not being able to move forward. _I added mentally, wryly.

He raised an eyebrow at me.

"What?" I asked.

"I don't mean to sound insensitive, Ness… I really do understand where you're coming from… but you knew this was coming, I mean, you were so excited for your final birthday. So excited to be… grown up… I didn't think it would upset you so much… I feel like I'm missing something, like there's more." He said, his face disgruntled, confused.

Why Jacob? Why did you have to be so observant? So perceptive with _every _change in me, every problem, every situation, if a thought bothered me, if something was on my mind, if my hair grew a centimetre, every little change. He would notice if I developed a microscopic freckle on my shoulder. Yet what was bothering me right now, the most important thing on my mind, the most life changing drastic event that has ever touched me – he was completely oblivious to. My life had been flipped upside down and scrambled up and he had no idea what-so-ever. I sighed.

"Why do you have to notice everything?" I whispered, trying to smile. He returned mine with a light one of his own. "I guess maybe I've just been thinking about my future… you know, I'm frozen, not ever really moving forward… Same people, same relationships…" That wasn't a lie. It just wasn't in detail. Detail would've meant me saying:

"_Oh you know,… thinking 'bout my future with you, frozen in love with you. Not ever being able to show you what I'm feeling. Not being able to pursue it, to move forward with it. And it's not really that I don't want to be frozen in time. I love my life. It's just knowing that I'm stuck in love with you and that I can't do anything about it, so there for I'm stuck in my very own whirlwind of emotions forever. Because hoping for the impossibility of you loving me the same way would be stupid and equivalent to inflicting pain on myself because I know it could never happen, and I know that someday you would probably fall in love. In love with someone who's not me. But I don't want to lose you, even if it means I'll be stuck in this whirlwind, I'd rather that than not have you at all. Because I need you. Need you more than my life. See, it's like being paralyzed. I have my life. But I can't move. I'm stuck hoping, wishing for what I know I can't have. But it's better that I have my life with me, happy for the most part, than losing my life. I can't lose you, Jake. I won't lose you, even if it means living like this forever."_

I felt another army of uninvited tears caress my cheeks. I tried to keep them silent. I didn't want to make Jake even more uncomfortable with my bawling.

"Ness," the pain in his voice surprised me. I felt my heart ache. Jacob should never be in pain. Never. "D-do you… not want me here?... forever I mean. I don't want you to think you're stuck with me. I-I don't want to trap you. I know we're imprinted and all, but it doesn't mean you're stuck with me you know. You can go out… meet… new people. Anything you want – I'll leave if you want, Ness. I don't want you to feel trapped by me. Stuck. That's the last thing I want."

I didn't look at him. The hoarse strain in his voice warned me of the pain that I would see on his face. The utter pained sound of his voice added weight on the silent sobs. I wondered if it was possible to run dry of tears. The mere thought of me _wanting _Jacob to leave with unbearable. No. It was excruciating. I felt the cold breeze over my heart as if warning me that if Jacob left I would freeze. And I wouldn't have his heat to keep me warm, to thaw out my heart, to keep me safe and loved. Did he actually think I would _want _him to leave? The thought was utterly infuriating.

I sat up and crossed my legs. I stared at the wall in front of me, the moisture in my eyes distorting my vision.

"Is that what _you _want, Jacob?", I choked, My voice was uneven, thick with tears. "Do you _want_ to leave me?" I was surprised at how angry I was getting. I was nearly shouting now. "Do you think that will make me happy? If you leave? Do you think _meeting other people _will make me happy?" It felt like I was crying a waterfall. "Losing you? Seriously! Do you actually think that you leaving will make me _happy?" _I shouted now, throwing my hands in the air, exasperated. "I love you, Jake! Don't you know that?" After all these years did he not know how much I needed him? As a lover or not, I still _needed_ him there! Any size shape or form! Did he _really _not know that?

"Nessie, no, please!" he whispered frantically. I felt his arms grasp my waist and pull me down on top of him. I ignored the way the spark reacted to him. This was neither the time nor place. I turned onto my stomach on top of him and pressed my face in to the nook of his neck like I'd been dying to do. I felt him hug me and kiss my hair. His warm hand rubbed my back soothingly, comfortingly. I appreciated that he didn't say 'it's going to be okay,' or 'shh, it's going to be fine.' He knew I hated it when people tried to comfort me that way. Even if the intention was pure, the words weren't true. If he said it, it would've been a lie. Because it wasn't going to be okay. It wasn't going to be fine. It was a little reassuring that he knew me well enough not to do this. For some reason, I found myself loving him even more. He knew the right things to do – he knew what made me feel better. I let the newly brought on sobs overflow into his shoulder freely. I didn't have the strength to hold them back anymore.

"Ness, please." He whispered urgently, pained. "I don't ever want to leave you. Don't you dare ever think I would want to." He choked. "What I want is for you to be happy." He whispered. "And I pray that I could be the one that could make you happy – the one to make you smile every day. I'll be here as long as you want me here." He said, strained. "But if you ever want me to leave, just say the word, Ness. I promise I'll go. I promise to make you happy."

"Damn it, Jacob!" I screamed, the tears still flowing freely. I lifted myself off his chest and settled for sitting on his stomach. "Don't you dare say that!" ,I screeched. "Don't you dare say you'll ever leave me _to make me happy!",_ I sobbed. "I don't care if you'll ever make me mad, or make me cry! Don't you ever dare leave me! Hell! I don't even care if I _tell you to leave!_ Don't you dare leave me! Don't even say it! I love you, Jacob! After all these years do you not see that? Do you not see that I need you? I can't lose you! I can't! I-I-" My sentence was choked off by my sobs.

I couldn't even see his face through my tears. It was all blurry. In one swift motion he had pulled me on top of him again, I sobbed into his shoulder. My body shook with the tears.

He hugged me tightly in his thick arms. I let that comfort me. I didn't know how long I had been crying, crying about everything. Just letting all my screwed up emotions out, but he held me for however long it had been. I realized it may have been a while when my room had begun to darken. He didn't say anything, he didn't move except for when he would rub my back soothingly.

"Ness?" he whispered quietly, when my sobs had died down. He continued when I just sniffled into his shoulder. "I love you." He whispered, "And I promise not to leave. I'm sorry. I love you… more than you know." His whisper quieted.

Was he really apologizing? Leave it to Jacob to take everything on himself. I felt my eyes tearing up again. I didn't want him to feel guilty. None of this was his fault. It was just me. I hoped he could write it off as a teenage hormone generated fit or something. It was me not him, as cliché as that sounded. No, I didn't want him to be upset to. Not him. Never. He should never be upset because of me. And now I hated myself for it. I should have known letting him see me like this would upset him too. This was selfish – to let him comfort me. Something wet rolled down my cheek.

"No, Jake, don't apologize. Don't blame yourself, please don't blame yourself," I begged quietly, rolling onto the bed, turning on my side to face him. "I'm sorry, I freaked out. I don't know – I just… I'm sorry. I love you," I began, hoping he couldn't hear the undiluted passion that seemed to accompany those three words. "I-It's just – I can't lose you, I can't –" I was hushed by another row of silent tears.

"Shh," he whispered, hauling me into his side. "I love you. And I won't leave you. Promise." That whisper was enough to soothe me. He promised. He didn't know though that by promising that, he promised me my life.

We stayed like that for a while. I didn't really care how many hours had gone by. I just knew I was with him. That was good enough for me. Soon the room was pitch-black, except for the moonlight illuminating through the trees, through the glass and spilling into my room.

I felt sleep drifting over me, tugging at my consciousness. "Th-thank you, Jake. I love you." I whispered, hoping he would hear.

"I love you too. Now sleep, hun. Sleep. I'm here."

And like always, I listened to him, and let my exhaustion and his heat consume me.

* * *

**Whadya think? :)**

**Okay I just wanted to take this time to explain my chapter title choice:)**

**So when ever I choose a title I try my very best to choose one word that sums up everything you feel when you read this chapter. **

**I know I could have chosen something deeper than _Teardrops_ but here's my logic ;**

**See, people cry for soo many different reasons, sadness, happiness, anger etc. But Ness - she doesn't really know why she's crying. She just knows she has to let something out. She's young, she hasn't experienced much of life yet, she doesn't know what she's feeling. She doesn't know what to do. She just lets it go - she lets it all go. **

**So please don't blame her for sortta spazzing... she just doesn't know what to do with herself - Hell! I woulda probably started the waterworks too! Woudln't you? **

**I don't like to describe the emotion in my chapters because I want you to catch onto that fervor for yourselves. **

**But I wanted to point out how Jake... he .. he really doesn't know what's happening, but he knows that she needs him there. And he doesn't try to get an explanation out of her - he does the right thing without really knowing it - but it makes her feel better.**

**I'm not gunna go into detail cus I want you guys to catch on to the fervor and emotion that lies behind the words. ;)** **It makes it a little more special to you personally when you can catch onto the underlayed emotion on your own... :) ****I hope this made you feel a little something..**

**let me know even if it's just one word what crossed your mind**

**fave parts?**

**Review Review Review! ( I love writing for you guys! ;)**

**Lots of lurvv!**

**xoxo **

**SoulDeepLove**


	11. A Month

**Disclaimer: Same as the otherss. I dont owwn Jacob or Ness :) **

**Hehe... *smiles sheepishly* SOOO I don't expect you guys to remember me or this story since it's been... *cringes* six months. I'M SORRY! So I was reaally out of my element for a while and kindda lost my passion for my story... FORGIVE ME. But then I re-read your reviews and I kindda became a giddy 5 year old again. **

**I was actually thinking of putting my story on hiatus but I couldn't bare making it final. **

**I was getting depressed reading soo many out-of-character fanfics and I sortta started to lose who jake and ness really were. I REALLY want to emphasize in my story that Jacob And Rensemee are Not Just Some Horny Teenagers Trying To Get Some. Period. Mostly that's what I've been seeing in fanfics, and im not hating because I know that authors need to express themselves, I get it. It's just when using characters that have been formed soo fully, (well nessie, not really, but when you add edward+bella you get nessie's personality..basically) it kindda ticks me off when people just completely flip them around. **

**I had english this semester SOOO i learned alot bout writing and stuff. But when writing like this I rarely follow literacy rules so bare with me. I started this chapter uhh like five months ago then kindda let it hang... I finished it today! Yay! **

**Writing is still a passion of mine. And as I promised before, even though I take a million years to update, I will not forget about Jake and Ness. I love writing for you guys! **

**So you may wanna reread the last few chapters just to refresh your memories... this is basically a fluffy chapter... Just showing Jake's point of view in this current situation. 2 more exams and then SUMMER and i will be able to write for you guys whenever I please! ...I should be studying right now but as you can see I'm now =3 Okay enough of me! read on :) **

* * *

**CHAPTER 11 - A Month**

**JPOV**

It had been about a month since Ness's birthday.

I sighed, rephrasing how I thought about it.

It had been about a month since I'd fallen in love with her.

Just about a month – about a month of more than I could handle yet not enough.

About a month of torture.

About a month of trying not to get to close, despite how much I craved to.

About a month of desperation.

About a month of worried glances from the Cullen family.

About a month of ecstatic glances from Bella.

About a month of guarded glances from Edward.

About a month of shifting uncomfortably under the awkward atmosphere of the Cullen home.

About a month of hopelessness.

About a month of the sparkling heat that pulsed through me every time I laid eyes on her.

About a month.

Just a month.

But it had never seemed so long and so short.

A month – a ridiculously long, yet ridiculously short month.

Too short. Too long.

Too much of craving to be near her - every moment I savoured, because every moment was never long enough.

But too long. Too much – I didn't know why it felt so long, like too much to handle. It was horrible but I loved it. It was so complicated. This feeling was so familiar today, but still so new.

This had become my life, this routine. Ness and I would spend the day together, and then somehow Ness and I would just end up falling asleep together, where ever we were – at the beach, at my place, her place, etcetera. Not that I was complaining – I didn't want to think about how empty I'd feel if I slept a night without her. Not that I would even sleep – which wouldn't be good because then I'd be exhausted, therefor there would be less energy for me to spend being with her. God, she had me completely and utterly wrapped around her and she didn't even know it.

"Hey," I greeted her, a grin spread across my face – the grin that spread every time I'd greet her good morning.

"Hey yourself," she grinned back, skipping lightly out of the front door to stand in front of me. I grinned down at her. Something new happened: I was surprised to see her blush. I could feel the heat of her cheeks warming my skin. She was the only thing that was warm to me. I hadn't felt many warm things in a while. Except for her – she was always warm.

The light hues of the sun cascaded through the trees, showering dancing patterns of light on the forest floor outside the Cullen home. I could hear the birds singing happily. One ray of sunlight broke through a cloud and hit her hair, highlighting all the underlays of gold. She was glowing. I was frozen.

I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. Her long ringlets hung down over her shoulders, glowing. Her face glowed. She was blushing, so gorgeous, so breathtaking. So delicate. My breath hitched. I felt a spark of heat shoot through my nerves instantly. I expected it, I invited it, yet it still shocked me like the first day.

It felt like I was buzzing, high-wired. Her cheeks darkened more before she looked down at her feet, shuffling them. I couldn't have that. I needed to see her. My moments were so short – so long, I wasn't going to waste any of them. It felt as if the spark was threatening to take over, it spread – became stronger every day. I didn't know how to stop it from getting the best of me, but I could never find it in myself to _want _to stop it. I knew that was a dangerous truth. It became more and more difficult every day to control it. I just _needed _to see her. To see her warm chocolate eyes, to see the light pink graze her cheeks…To be close to her – always needing to be closer to her. Always closer, no matter how close I got, it was never enough.

I reached up lightly with my right hand, and tilted her chin up slowly so she would look at me, almost… experimentally. The contact with her skin ignited the spark. I hadn't done this in a while – touched her. It was like taking a breath after being deprived of air for so long. I let it fill me. The warmth, the tingling, almost sizzling through my body. It was so _remarkable. _So unlike anything else. So _warm._ That meant so much because nothing had felt warm to me until she was born. Nothing had meant anything until she was born.

I savoured it, attempting to burn the memory in my brain. I knew I wouldn't be able to do this for a while. I knew I wouldn't allow myself this much again. I'd only want more.

My thoughts scattered. Disappeared. It was just her. It had always been her. I had become used to this, to alarmingly forgetting everything I had ever known. Used to only knowing her. After all, it had been a month. A month of this.

I had become used to it, but every day it hit me like a wrecking ball. Every day it was new to me. Every day was like the first day - The first day I'd known this feeling. Ever since that day there was no turning back. Since she was born she'd already had me wrapped around her little finger… I never thought she could have any tighter hold. I didn't think a tighter grip existed. Man was I wrong.

I searched her warm chocolate eyes, not really looking for anything, just savouring the way they made me feel. Made me feel… amazing. So amazing. She made me feel like I was floating, like there was no gravity, except her. Her gaze held me in place, held me here. Without it I would have floated away, into nothingness.

My heart was thudding in my ribcage. I wondered if it was possible to die from a gaze-induced heart attack. Her blush darkened. I was grateful that she didn't try to look away, but then again, I _was_ resting her chin in my hand. But at this moment, I couldn't find it in me to want to let go. I was awestruck by her.

Her hair was glowing in the sunlight, her cheeks were tainted pink, her chocolate eyes melted, and held me there. Held me in place. Then her lips – soft, and full. So perfect. Oh God. I forgot how to breathe. My heart beat was long gone. The only thing that held me upright was her gaze, and the warm tingling that refused to give. I was getting dizzy – I wasn't sure if that was because of her, or because of the lack of oxygen that my brain was receiving.

The spark was breaching the only controlled area of my brain – the part that round everything back in place when I let it get too out of hand. I needed to stop – stop from going too far. Every day it got harder, though. Harder to break a gaze, harder to let go of her after hugs, harder to not stare at her with my tongue hanging out of my mouth like the dog I was. I hated myself for it – for thinking of her _that_ way. It seemed wrong. She was so innocent, so delicate. Only a scum-bag would think of her like that… And that's what I felt like – dirt. I was no better than those stupid gangly teenage boys at the Forks High school. The only difference was that I was in love with her, more than words could describe. I knew no matter how she looked, that she'd be perfect to me – breathtaking. Always breathtaking, no matter what.

And this is what my life had become in this short month: loving every long… short moment with her, but feeling like kicking myself for letting my mind wander too far. Every day I would try to deserve her even though I knew it was an impossible goal. Would it be wrong though? To be attracted to her? She was…gorgeous – there were no words – Perfect, amazing…

I sighed. This had been my life for a month: allowing myself too much, getting sucked in, trying to scavenge for what was left of my common sense, then having my thoughts lost and scattered again.

It was so hard to find reason when I was so close to her. Her damned eyes weren't helping my attempt at resurrecting my thoughts – So I did what I should have done – I hugged her. I held her close to me, ( effectively cutting off my view of her face, yet just as effectively throwing my heart rate into overdrive), savouring the feeling of her body in my arms. It felt like that day of my birthday; When she was only about two feet tall; it was still all the same feelings; relief, utter happiness, because she was healthy and happy and _safe, _and she was in _my arms. _The original feelings had infused with these new ones: the warm tingling in my nerves, in my heart. The need to be close to her, yet no distance was ever close enough, The need to love her in every way astronomically possible. But I couldn't do that. She couldn't want that.

And then there was disappointment, a sense of rejection almost. A sense of loss, emptiness, because I wasn't _allowed _to love her the way I craved to; to be in love with her - Because she had me wrapped around her finger. I hung onto every one of her words. And I knew her – she couldn't want this. She enjoyed our friendship – was comfortable with it, like I was. It was painful, but she'd be happy not knowing my feelings. Because I knew how self-sacrificing Ness was, she wouldn't want to reject me, to see me hurt. It would make it worse though, because then she would give me her sympathy - sympathy that wouldn't be able to fix anything.

We were still close, though. Closer possibly than two best friends could get – so if she hurt, I hurt. If I hurt, she hurt. I couldn't hurt her, hurt myself. I wouldn't let this hurt her – I had to protect her from myself. I couldn't let _this_ get in the way of our friendship.

I hated that – it felt wrong – having to work so hard to keep our friendship normal, like it was before. It wasn't as care free, as easy going. I had to watch myself every moment because my rationalized mind was very eager to slip away, to give into everything.

I'd forgotten that you were supposed to let go after a hug.

Using all the willpower that hadn't been drained from me already – I let go of her.

"Hey," I said softly as she grinned up at me.

She laughed, "You said that already, Jake."

Did I really? Wow… she really put me out of my element. Could she blame me? I mean come on… could she really not see what she _did _to me? Was I that good at masking it? It didn't feel like it – it felt hard as hell trying to keep it from showing on my face, all this … spark. But when I looked at her, I couldn't control it from showing if I tried. And if my life depended on my not looking at her, I would've probably been killed over a million times by now. The only thing I could possibly attempt at doing was not making myself to obvious. I think I'd failed at that too – but she didn't seem to notice.

"Really? My bad." I smiled.

"So what're we doing today?" she smirked, an amused smile, as she walked passed me, brushing my shoulder.

I caught up and kept pace beside her as we strode casually into the forest. "What?" I asked, smiling, at her, ignoring her actual question, instead, asking about her amused expression.

She just smiled and shook her head at the ground.

"What are you thinking?" I asked playfully.

"Nothing, really." She smirked.

"How come you don't tell me anything anymore?" I smiled lightly. "I'm not trying to pry… really. It's just… I still feel like I'm missing something. If it's private, I get that too."

I needed to ask. I hadn't brought it up since… last month, when she had that… emotional breakdown? I wasn't sure what happened that day. The memory made me feel cold – I had never seen her cry so hard in my life. I had never seen her so upset…I wasn't sure what was happening inside her head – I didn't want to ask her then. She seemed to be thinking about so much already. I guess that'd tipped me off that there was a lot going through her mind – a lot she wasn't telling me.

That afternoon had been so odd. I couldn't place a word to it. She'd been acting a little different at the restaurant, I wasn't sure if it was because of all the humans – she hadn't been around so many humans for a while, the scent must have been painful for her – she'd even growled at the waitress.

I'd gotten home from the restaurant, and seen Edwards car already parked out front. Edward had a thing for speed. I'd let myself in, and knew Ness was home already, I could hear her heartbeat coming from her room on the second floor. Okay – so she needed her privacy, she was probably getting changed or something, like any normal day. I remembered going to sit on the couch across from Emmett who was watching the game on the flat screen. We talked a bit, about the game, about Charlie, Bella, casual talk.

Then I'd felt something. It was like that warmth, the tingling, but it was different. It felt… dismal. It was still strong, but, like I was supposed to understand something. It felt like it was pulling on my heart – leading me up the stairs, around the corner to her room. I just _knew_ I needed to be there. I remembered freezing at the shock of it all, processing what was flowing through me. I remembered Emmett eyeing me carefully from the other couch he was lounged on, but not saying anything. He just continued watching the game.

"I'll… be back." I remembered saying.

So I went, I went where I was being pulled to – and I stood there – in front of her bedroom door, frozen. And I heard it, her quiet tears, muffled sobs. My heart squeezed.

Pain.

Being dragged across a bed of nails – slow, painful, torture.

"Ness?" I had asked, trying so hard to keep the utter pain out of my voice, "Are you okay? Can I come in?"

"I'm fine." She sniffled. Her voice was thick with tears. I could have been the strongest man in the world and the sound of her tears would still have crushed me into nothingness. And then Ness, trying to write herself off as if her pain didn't matter at all. As if she wasn't important enough for me to care about. Of course. It was typical for her – self sacrifice. But I wasn't putting up with that. Not now.

"Nessie, if you don't let me in, you know I'll just come in myself." She sighed in defeat so I let myself in.

And I laid with her until the moonlight pooled into the room. My first thought was that Edward had probably told her. Told her about my feelings for her. That she was disgusted with me and now she probably didn't know how to let me down easy. I'd probably scared her. She looked at me as a brother, so this was probably a frightening revelation. I knew she would probably want me to leave.

But then she made me promise I wouldn't leave.

And now I was totally and utterly confused.

Ness had never told me why she had cried so much that day, never gave me a real explanation. It had now been a month and I couldn't place what it could have been. I felt like I was missing out on something big. Something that had affected her that much. Sometimes I thought it was teenage angst. But I couldn't really relate to that since my teenage years consisted of looking in the mirror and realizing you've just exploded into a giant wolf. Talk about angst. I wasn't a normal teenager and neither was Ness. What reason did she have to be angst-ridden? It made no sense.

"That's not true, Jake. I do tell you stuff." She smiled. "Even embarrassing stuff."

"Mmm really? I don't seem to remember…" I teased.

She elbowed me in a way that actually kind of hurt. I jumped back laughing.

"Don't think I'm about to go on a trip down memory lane with you, Pup." Her smile was radiant.

I laughed more. "I still resent that nickname."

"And I still don't care." Now she laughed.

And I was happy. These were the moments I loved – hearing our laughter dancing in the air. This was our friendship and moments of pure bliss. No stress, just ease. No frustration, just lightness. And with each of these moments I fell deeper and deeper in love with her.

"Hm, so my little Nessie's heartless now?" I smiled, raising my eyebrows at her, secretly loving how I could sneak in the 'my Nessie'. It was like a flood of relief to say it out loud.

"I'm not heartless. It's just common sense to think that anything that is a wolf is therefore a dog and _therefore_ had to once be a puppy. And I do it because I love teasing you. Always did, always will." She grinned at me then her grin faded into a soft smile.

"And Jake?" she said quietly, looking ahead."

"Yeah?" I said softly.

"I'm not a little girl anymore." She basically whispered.

Boy did I know it.

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**OKAY soo yeah I know, not greatly eventful but it's better than nothing? I would reaally like to know if I stayed in character with them. I know they've been... maybe a little soppy? And I didn't want to convey them as some mopey teens with emo problems... :p It's just Nessie can bring out a different side in Jake that no one else can. It's going to be a long story, let's wait til it starts moving :) **

**SOO favourite part? :p **

**even one word to describe anything you felt. I'D GREATLY APPRECIATE! **

**a single thought or emotion you felt or thought of while reading this?**

**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! **

**ps. -DID YOU GUYS SEE THE BREAKING DAWN TRAILER? I FREEKED. iM SUCH A NERD (heart)**

**- Don't you think Mackenzie Foy was a great choice for Renesmee? =3 she's perfect to me! **

**THANK YOU FOR READING **


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